


Always Have, Always Will

by TheBiQueenOfLineBreaks (TheUnwritten1219)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Bullied Castiel (Supernatural), Bullying, Childhood Friends, Dean Winchester is a sap and you can fight me on that, Dean Winchester sucks at feelings, Destiel endgame, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gay Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Castiel/ Balthazar, Protective Dean Winchester, Romance, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, everyone needs a hug and everyone gets a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24081223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnwritten1219/pseuds/TheBiQueenOfLineBreaks
Summary: Castiel and Dean became best friends their first week of Kindergarten, immediately becoming inseparable, that is until the boys are 12  when Castiel’s mother earned a promotion that moves them 1,553 miles away. Even through the distance the boys stay in contact and eventually go off to college together. Castiel has always been family to Dean, like another brother...right?The first time Dean called Cas his brother was during his junior year of high school and Cas just kept letting him no matter how much it hurt...Until he stopped.
Relationships: Andrea Kormos/Benny Lafitte, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dorothy Baum/Charlie Bradbury, John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Naomi/Chuck Shurley
Comments: 18
Kudos: 124





	Always Have, Always Will

The first time Dean called Castiel his brother was junior year of high school, surrounded by a group of people who could see that statement for the load of bullshit Dean hadn’t yet known it was. 

But first; Some background.

Dean and Castiel-or Cas as Dean had quickly donned him as for the rest of his life(among a host of other nicknames)- met at the tender age of five.

During the first week of kindergarten, little Castiel Novak was shoved to the ground by one of the older kids. Embarrassed and on the dirt bleeding, his little eyes filled with dreadful tears, which only made the other kids laugh more.

Sniffling and cradling his injured arm to his chest, Castiel shut his eyes tightly praying as his mommy taught him, to be back home in her arms as opposed to around this hoard of tyrants. 

His assailant, more commonly referred to as Uriel, crossed his arms around his chest triumphantly. Taking pleasure in his victims misery. 

If Castiel had kept his eyes open, he would have seen the boy with the sandy blonde hair angrily stand from the sandbox he was playing in and stomp over to Uriel's big ugly face. 

"Hey!", he shouted.

“What do _you_ want?” Uriel grunted, uncrossing his arms from his chest and exerting his height difference over the blonde boy. He was only a year older than his two victims but he used that sense of superiority to fuel his bullying. 

The blonde boy tracks the movement of Uriel's arms watching as they land useless at his side without saying anything at all. The blonde boy then turns slightly to see Cas still on the grown, eyes closed so tight he was scared the boy wouldn't be able to open them ever again.

“Hey! What do you want? Are you stupid or something?” Uriel taunts gaining amusement from his lackeys. They announce their approval with varying cackles.

Each one sends an uncomfortable shiver down Castiel's back. 

Smirking mischievously, Dean reaches out and takes hold of one of Uriel's limp arms and without any more preamble he latches on to his flesh with freshly grown-in teeth and doesn’t let go until someone calls for the attention of the teacher. 

Sometime during the commotion Cas reopened his eyes and watched as this strange little boy defended his honor. In that moment it looks like Uriel is moments from regaining the upper hand. Forgetting his previous contempt, Castiel shoots up off the ground clumsily, and proceeds to pound onto the bully's back. 

Uriel cries out just as the teacher makes their way to break up the fight. Chastising them firmly before sending them to the principal's office. 

Castiel feels his lips wobble at being reprimanded, never having been by someone other than his parents. The boy with the sandy hair seems to sense it because he speeds up his walk, keeping his eyes on the teachers back as she leads them to the principal's office. 

The boy takes hold of Castiel's hand and softly he whispers in that way only five year olds can, “I’m Dean. And don’t worry, I’ve got this.”

With a charming smile, he squeezes Castiels' hand and let's go.

Castiel takes a shuddering breath because as soon as his eyes meet Dean’s emerald ones he is filled with a warm feeling he can only compare to when he and his mommy lay down for bed and Daddy comes in to tell them a story. 

“Okay.” He whispers back, “I’m sorry you got hit.”

Dean shrugs his shoulders and opens his mouth to speak just as the teacher does, “Alright boys. One seat apart as you wait for your parents to pick you up.”

“Yes Mrs. Missouri.” The boy’s choir in tandem. Sorrow in both their eyes. 

Dean actually liked this teacher, it filled him with instant regret that he put himself in a position for her to be disappointed in him.

He turned his attention quickly to the boy with the biggest and bluest eyes he had ever seen. And all at once the regret slips like water through his fingers. Dean had never seen anyone who looked so... kid-like...Good(?). He couldn’t think of the word, but one look at the other boy and it was unthinkable of someone ever wanting to hurt him. 

“Don’t be scared.” Dean comforted the boy, hopping down from the chairs they were situated in and sitting right next to the raven haired boy. 

“My parents are going to be so mad.”

Shaking his head, Dean grabs his hand again. He liked how it felt the first time. He takes one look at the injured boy’s bleeding arm and is consumed by anger all over again.

“My Mamma and Daddy always listen. I’ll tell them what really happened.”

Dean shoots a glare at Uriel who sits two seats away from them. The bully pays him no mind, looking at the ground in concentration, trying to figure out a lie. 

Dean looks back to the boy who led them all here, still looking panicked and Dean wants it to go away more than anything he ever has.

The boy pulls something out of his pants pockets, with the hand currently not nestled in Deans. He plays with a small metal charm of a man with wings. Rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger. 

“What’s that?”

Blushing bright red, the boy ducks his head low, worried Dean is going to make fun of him. That was after all, why Uriel had targeted him in the first place. He saw Castiel silently praying to himself rubbing his angel charm for good luck, hoping for a friend, when Uriel heard him muttering and threatened to take it from him. 

The rest was history. 

While Castiel curses the redness he knows is sheeting over his cheeks, Dean watches in awe and wonders what else he can do to turn this boy pink. 

“i-It’s a- It’s an Angel charm. My mommy gave it to me for good luck.”

“Huh, That’s cool. My Mamma always tellin me there are angels watchin’ over me and my baby brother Sammy. I think it’s cool.” He repeats, watching the surprise cast over the boy's features. 

Then he feels frustration gnaw at his skin. He doesn’t like that he keeps referring to him as ‘The Boy’. 

“So what's your name,Blue Eyes?”

Uriel is the one to answer “Ugh barf.”

“Shut up or I’ll bite you again!” Dean shouts, whipping his head towards the bully and sending him fire with molten green eyes.

Uriel rolls his eyes and focuses his attention forward, not willing to get into further trouble,especially without an audience. 

Turning back, he speaks in a much gentler tone, “So what's your name.”

Blue Eyes stares at Dean, thinking he is the bravest person he has ever met.

“Castiel.”

“Hmm. That’s a little weird, but I like it.” Ginning toothily Dean looks at Castiel deciding in that moment he is gonna make him his best friend. 

“Imma call you Cas, okay?”

Nodding mutely Castiel returns Dean's smile. So pleased with their interaction he forgot all about being in trouble. That is until he heard the shouts of his mother calling his name. 

“Castiel James!” 

A sophisticatedly dressed woman stomps up the steps towards her son, hands on her hips and a deep frown turning her lips down, eyes trained only on Castiel. Before she could say another word, Dean had jumped down from his seat again and was demanding her attention with supplicate green eyes. 

“Don’t yell at him! It’s not his fault! I started it!” He rushes to explain.

“Dean” Cas tries to interject, afraid his mother will scare away his only friend. 

“No Cas, you didn’t start any of this. Mrs. Cas,” He turns back to address Castiel’s mother, 

“Cas was pushed to the ground so I bit the kid who did it and Cas was only tryin’ to help me. He ain't done nothing wrong!”

Castiel also lowers himself from his seat and stands behind Dean. Letting him do the talking. 

“Is that so?” Bending down to one knee so she is more level with the young boy she sneaks a peek at her worried son who no longer looks so concerned. A timid yet gracious smile plays at Castiel’s lips.

Naomi tries not to get too excited at the signs of her son making a friend. A warm burst of joy sparking in her heart. Suddenly no longer so upset from being called away from work.

If what this boy-Dean-says is true then her son was in no _true_ trouble and he managed to make a friend in the process; a feat she was oh so concerned would take much longer than this.

Naomi adored her youngest son. She never failed to be impressed each day by his kindness and outstanding intelligence. She cherished her baby’s obsession with literature and animals, encouraging his interests at every turn. However, she knew the tribulations one such as her son would have to face when it came to his peers. 

Castiel was different. People don’t take too kindly to those who are different. 

Together both of Castiel’s parents worried about their son, recalling how difficult preschool- of all times- were for their little babe. All the other children were blissful and without feelings of being ‘disregarded’- a word Castiel himself spent an entire afternoon researching, with the help of the schools librarian in order to put a word to his feelings- as opposed to enjoying the mindlessness of childhood.

“It really, really is. Cas did nothing wrong!” The fierceness of the boy's tone sets Naomi back. 

Just then a beautiful blonde steps towards them shouting out in a similar tone that she had when initially arriving.

“Dean Winchester you are in _so_ much trouble, mister.” The closer the blonde gets the more it is clear just how beautiful she is. 

The woman had long wavy hair, flowing down her shoulders and was sporting a simple knee length dress just as carefree. She also wore a much-too-large for her body brown leather jacket draping down past her hips as to show just how over sized it was. Naomi assumed it belonged to her husband.

The woman appeared to be referring to the boy Naomi was currently crouched in front of. 

Without regarding the sharply dressed business woman, the blonde fixes her eyes on Dean.

Naomi stands slowly, not sure how to proceed.

“What do you have to say for yourself young man?”

Dean opens his mouth to respond to his mother but Castiel beats him to it.

“He was very brave, Mrs.Winchester.” Castiel defends, not quite as forcefully as Dean had, but him speaking out at all nearly put Naomi in shock.

“That boy over there,” Dean is the one who tilts his head towards another child sitting grumpily with his arms crossed as he stares after the scene unfolding before his eyes. 

“Pushed me to the ground and said he would take my angel charm then Dean came and he was really nice even though he doesn’t know me and he helped me.'' Castiel continued, tears pooling in his eyes at speaking so openly. Something he wasn’t very comfortable doing under any circumstance. Dean once again takes his hand and bumps his shoulder with his own as a signal of support. 

“He had to bite him and that's why we’re in trouble but Dean should not be in any trouble, Mrs.Winchester. B-because- Because he helped me… I’m Castiel by the way…”

“Cas I still bit him.”

“But you bit him for me!”

Dean shrugs, “So?”

“So!?”

“He made you bleed,Cas!”

Before the two could go any further, Mrs. Winchester interrupts them regaining their attention.

“Thank you, Honey.” Dean's mother said sweetly. 

“This your boy?” She asks Naomi in the same tone. 

Naomi shakes away her stupor, stunned by her son's outburst “Yes.” She answers, lifting her chin proudly.

She extends her hand towards the other mother politely. Sizing up the pretty woman warily.

Naomi learned not to trust others very early on in life, especially when it came to her children. It was obvious the blonde's son acquired a liking to her own but that didn’t mean his mother shared a similar sentiment. 

“I’m Mary Winchester,” Mary takes her hand and shares a wide smile, “And you’ve got a brave one on your hands.” 

Naomi introduces herself in kind, courteous conversation taking over while the two mothers discuss their boy's behavior. Both agreeing they believed their sons and discussing how they will respond to the principle. 

“I’m very glad your Dean was there for Castiel. He’s umm.. He’s had a bit of trouble making friends.”

“I’m glad he was there too, Naomi." The blonde agrees, "I can already tell this friendship won't be short lived.”

Mary says the last bit lower, only for Naomi’s ears.

Both women look over to their sons and watch as they resumed their mindless chatter, sitting close and smiling in that sunshine way that only children can.

Maybe Naomi should have paid more attention when the principle finally came out and ushered the children into his office. But she was too focused on how she could assure Mary Winchester her son was most definitely not a troublemaker and to allow their sons to continue this friendship for however short it was. 

The meeting was pretty short overall.

Seeing that neither of Uriel's parents ever showed up.

The principle had made it clear the boys were too young for detention and while he understood it would be an inconvenience to working parents, the boys would each be suspended for two days. Something that had Dean smiling wide and Castiel shivering in regret.

Uriel’s punishment was a bit more severe, having to undergo a week's suspension for instigating his second fight of the year (especially since the school year had started that very week.) in addition to two weeks of Saturday school to make up for missed work. 

By the end of it all, Naomi had adopted Castiel's severe case of hesitation. Unsure how to go about ensuring their sons could remain friends. 

Like a true Winchester, Mary beat her to the punch. 

“If your get up is anything to go by, I’d say you have a pretty prestigious office type job?”

“Yes. I’m a lawyer.” She responds bluntly. 

“Well I work from home, so this little suspension _stunt_ , “ Mary presses the last word powerfully. Gaze directed at her son hoping he could at least _pretend_ not to be so smug. “Isn’t too much of an inconvenience. And if you’re comfortable I could watch after Castiel tomorrow and Friday.”

Dean is practically cheering at the idea, Castiel beaming beside him.

Naomi’s delayed response was met by Mary’s quick reparation. 

“Of course that is _only_ if you are comfortable. I _am_ aware we don’t know each other and you might not want to leave your boy with a stranger. However I’m takin’ Dean out for a reward. Castiel is welcome to tag along. After all, standing up to a bully is noble enough to rightfully earn one. Isn’t that right, Baby?”

“Yes! Cas you’re gonna _love_ The Roadhouse. My uncle Bobby and Aunty Ellen own it and they have the bestest Pies, besides yours of course Mamma.” Dean looks to his mother. Vibrating with excitement. 

“What do you say, Naomi? Care to join us?”

Naomi looks down to her son, “What do you think, Castiel? Would you like to accompany Mary and Dean to the -Roadhouse, was it?

“Yes Please!” Castiel squeaks before either Mary or Dean can put in. 

The drive to the Roadhouse is filled with careless laughter and adult chatter alike. The pair of mothers themselves are feeling the pleasant wisps of budding friendship and realize maybe they themselves have also been in need of a friend. 

They eat their meals quickly, seeing that Naomi did in fact have to return to work. 

“Alrighty, handsome. You know what time it is.” Ellen Singer chimes in drawing the attention from the table four plates of varying pie flavors are elegantly placed on the table.

Dean can barely contain his excitement. Prying his eyes away from the deserts Dean very sweetly assures Castiel, “This is _just_ what we needed, Cas!”

Giggling at Dean's excitement Castiel rolls his eyes affectionately before tuning his attention to the two women before him and shyly mumbles, “Thank you”. 

Mary smiles brightly, “Your welcome, Castiel.” 

Though surprised, Naomi was quite pleased a by the outcome of the day and decided to just go with the flow. “Would you mind watching Castiel while I use the bathroom quickly?”

“Of course!”

Castiel trails after the retreating figure of his mother before scooting over in the booth to be nearer to Mary. 

“Cas!” Dean protests around a mouthful of pie.

“Mrs Winchester?”

“Yes, Castiel?”

“I wanted to say sorry for getting Dean in trouble today.”

“Yowu diudn;t guet mee in trrwouble, Angel eys.”

Mary chooses to ignore the term of endearment to meet Castiels gaze. 

"I didn't want to say sorry while my mommy was still here," The six year old reveals, "because I didn't think it would be as umm...as-I just learned this word the other day with my friend the librarian; sanscere?"

"It’s sincere,honey." Mary corrects him gently, "And thank you. That was _very_ sincere. You are a smart one, huh Castiel."

It's less of a question and more of statement which causes the boy to blush sweetly. Glad Deans mother didn't think of him as trouble.

Wanting Castiel near him again or at least his attention, Dean puts himself in their conversation.

"Call him Cas,Mamma! Or angel eyes they're _bluuuee_ right? It's so cool!"

Castiel's blush deepens moving to sit back beside Dean. Sparking up conversation and indulging his new best friend with the attention he sought.

Mary knew right then that Castiel would be in their lives for a very long time and she was supremely unaware how happy she would be to have someone like him in her sons life.

***

Years later after looking back to the memory of how they met, Dean had realized what the word was that fully encompassed what he saw when looking at Cas way back when.

And while the description 'Good' was just as good as any and would _always_ be his go to when describing Cas. The look of the boy that made him stand up to that bully so fiercely was the innocence so ingrained into every shade of blue living in his soon best friend's eyes he couldn't stand for anyone trying to break it.

**_XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX_ **

After that first day Castiel and Dean were inseparable. They spent every waking moment together. 

Naomi and Mary Winchester took turns on driving the boys to school, after popular demand, of course. That is until the boys were old enough to bike to school on their own, once they were ten years old. 

Fortunately for the boys, they lived exactly 8 minutes and 42 seconds away from each other on foot,(a discovery they made on a particularly boring spring break when they were nine) less if they biked. 

They also lived exceptionally close to the school. A mere ten minutes from Deans house. At first Dean was overjoyed by the thought of sleeping in and getting up with just enough time to arrive before the late bell, but then he quickly remembered Cas’s overall distaste with all things morning related. 

And if Mary raised her brows at her oldest son awake and ready to go a full hour before needing to be at school then biking down to Cas’s Tudor house only to bike back in the direction of their house on their way to school, well then no one mentioned it. Because it was a well known fact that their relationship transcended explanations.

Dean's entire family in addition to Castiel’s learned pretty early on that the reasons for most of what their sons did was often for the benefit of the other boy.

Dean and Castiel adopted a pretty good rhythm. Dean will wake up first, bike down to Cas’ house and thanks to Naomi leaving the door open on her way out-after several failed trails resulted in an over eager Dean pounding on the Novaks front door until a less than thrilled Chuck begrudgingly opened it- he proceeded to wake Cas with enticing promises of food before they ventured off to school. They had nearly every class together and always sat together during lunch. 

After school they'd bike home and do homework at Dean’s house before saying their goodbyes at Cas’ (Dean biked beside him home, no matter how many times Cas’ assured him the company wasn’t necessary).

When taking in the profound bond the pair shared their parents were exceedingly aware of how much their impending announcement would hurt their boys. 

***

The day overall was uneventful.

It was the summer before eighth grade. 

The boys had decided to spend their freedom at the beach with Dean's little brother Sammy as Castiel’s older brother Gabriel served as their chaperon.

Gabriel was Castiel's favorite of his siblings despite his constant pranking and inappropriate comments about Castiel and Deans friendship. His preference primarily resided in the fact that Gabriel wasn't one to hover. Rather, the older Novak sat back enjoying his own free time with his nose buried into a comic book. Shades on and flashing mischievous smiles at passing boys and girls alike. 

Castiel was curled into a ball underneath an umbrella reading vehemently from an old withered copy of _The Tempest_ lost to the word around him.

Dean was mostly tanning,kicking up sand every so often as to get Cas to look up from his book and shoot him a glare with spiteful blue eyes.

"Will you _please_ stop doing that?"

Sitting up sharply, Dean doesn't even try to hide his smirk.

"I wouldn't hafta if you paid me any attention, Cas!"

Cas narrowed his eyes and turned back to his book.

It must have been thirty seconds before he was brushing away another wave of sand from weeping pages.

Castiel sighs defeated setting his book down, "You're annoying." 

Dean raises an offended hand to his bare chest looking at Cas appalled, "I am _adorable."_

Cracking a smile Castiel shakes his head,"Yes, Dean. You are very adorable."

Dean always felt something in his chest stir when Cas complimented him, even in the offhanded way he just did.

He gave up long ago trying to explain to Cas friends didn't really compliment each other that way- well,girls did sometimes- but not guys. Guys teased one another and called each other rude names like jerk and dumbass. Not so much 'adorable', but Cas never quite understood the concept of denying himself the simple joys of saying true things.

Something Dean himself never really got the hang of.

He often mentioned how green Dean's eyes would get during certain times of the day or how the older they got the more Cas was sure Dean would become even more traditionally handsome.

All of which made Deans skin warm up and hair stand on end all at the same time. He figured he just didn't take compliments too well. Regardless of never feeling that way when others did the same. 

"Hmm, for a second there I thought there was gonna be trouble in paradise, but it looks like our lovers quarrel was all but a spat."

Dean rolled his eyes, well accustomed to Gabriel's teasing. 

"Stuff it, Gabe."

Pushing his sunglasses to his crown, Gabe grinned wickedly. 

"Cassie, I think your boyfriend is feeling a little neglected why don't you give him a kiss and see if he gets all better."

Dean flipped him off, taking Cas's discarded novel in one hand and the blue eyed boys' wrist in the other, effectively raising them both to their feet. 

It wasn't that Dean didn't like Gabriel. He did. Most of the time.

"You're a real dick, y'know that?"

"You are what you eat, Dean-o"

"Gabe can you _try_ to watch what you say? Sam is right over there." Castiel reprimanded his older brother, walking towards the youngest Winchester in emphasis.

Gabriel rolled his eyes disinterested turning his attention back to the comic book in his hands. But not before mumbling, "Why doesn't he get yelled at for cursing? I didn't even say anything."

Dean followed behind his best friend, sitting beside Sam as to help him build sand castle's, until eventually Dean was actually building them on his own, Sam placing input every now and again but mostly just reading over Castiel's shoulder. Asking for clarification of things just a bit above his understanding.

It was uneventful, but it was a _great_ day.

After a full day of cooking their skin in the sun and laughing at whatever preteens laugh about, the boys decided to venture back home where both sets of parents smiled maybe a bit too reassuringly for Dean's tastes. 

Dean doesn't much remember what happened after getting home.

He knows they all took turns showering and made their way downstairs shortly after. Queuing up the DVR for a Star Wars marathon even though Cas had asked they watched something different that night.

One insistent plea coupled by calling Cas 'Angel' had him relenting pretty quickly just as Dean knew it would.

He doesn't even think they made it to the couch before they were being called into the kitchen.

The minute they walked into the room, Dean knew something was wrong.

It was instinctual.

Something about the way his mom was looking at Cas and how Naomi had her 'I'm-a-hard-ass-lawyer' face on made him want to wrap his arms around the other boy and barricade them up in his room.

He can't recall how they broke the news. Couldn't tell you the words they used or the tone they delivered them in. All he can remember from that dreadful conversation is how stupid he felt for not letting Cas pick a movie. As if this could have been avoided had he let them watch that nature Documentary like Cas wanted.

His eyes had stopped trying to make sense of what was being told to him as he took in the other boy. A cold sweat running all over his body.

He couldn't take his eyes off of Cas even if he wanted to.

He felt tears welling up in his eyes when the first one rolled down Castiels' cheek. His own eyes finding Deans sorrow filled ones before turning back to two sets of parents quickly taking on the form of reapers the more they said.

Dean wanted to reach out for him but he was frozen where he sat. Shaking slightly wanting to scream and rage and fucking _cry_ because he was losing Cas. He was gonna _lose_ Cas!

And there was nothing he could do about it.

He couldn't call him Angel and make him stay. He couldn't mess up his hair after trying to tame it just to get him to give up and watch T.V instead of heading off to some church event. He couldn't even reach out to touch him for what could very well be the last time.

Almost like Castiel could read his mind he moved to the edge of his seat to be closer to Dean. Reaching out and taking hold of his wrist just as Dean would often do.

"We understand that this will be difficult."

Dean thinks it was Naomi voice who broke through the fog first, his mind shouting _Then why are you doing_ this! in response.

“W-what- what do you mean ‘we’re moving!?’” Castiel is nearly in hysterics.

“Honey," It was definitely Naomi who spoke now, "they’re moving my branch to Nevada and it’s an opportunity that I simply cannot pass up.”

“No but! What- where” trying to even his breaths Castiel looks over to a stunned Dean. 

Castiel's heart is pounding so loud he can feel it in every part of his body. Something that felt a lot like fear pounded at his chest like someone desperate to get through a closed door.

He feels his hands clam up and begins to pull away from Deans skin but Dean imminently reacts to the near loss of contact and laces their fingers together just as he used to when they were small.

He meets the boys bright green eyes, and wonders how he will ever survive without them.

"You can't leave." Dean pleads as if Castiel has a say.

He wants to say 'yes. Of course. Leaving you is much too far on my scope of possibilities to _ever_ achieve.' but he can't.

He knows he can't. It's not his call.

Instead, he turns his attention back to his parents, albeit reluctantly and precariously begs them, tears clouding his vision. 

"Don't take me away."

It makes him sound like a prisoner and he knows, somewhere deep in his mind where the panic hasn't set in and the phantom ache of a life with no Dean hasn't fully developed assures him that his parents aren't doing this to hurt him.

But a life without Deans cheeky smiles and obnoxious outdated music preferences sounds like punishment for the most inhuman of crimes.

Castiel catches the sympathetic looks of Deans parents and feels his heart tear further.

He loved them just as he loved his own parents. How was he supposed to survive without Mary's head kisses? Or Johns gruff back slaps when Castiel actually understood his mechanic jargon?

He wasn't just leaving Dean he was leaving them as well. Leaving them and this house and Friday night movie marathons and accidental sleep overs...

He was losing everything that made life good in its most basic elements and there was nothing he could do about it.

The day had been uneventful overall. What either of them wouldn't do to go back to that beach and never leave.

After their parents had reminded the boys of phones and promises of combined family vacations they also assured them of the only good news they had to offer that night. 

"We won't be leaving till the end of the Summer. You still have two months to enjoy your vacation together."

Cas's dad had always been a pessimist. Something Dean always found refreshing in comparison to the 'you-can-do-anything' demeanor most adults had when addressing children.

But the half smile and forced enthusiasm in his words wedged the knife deeper on Deans thinly veiled fear.

This move will cause them to break apart. Not at first. But eventually they would fizzle out just as all long distance friends always did and Chucks uncharacteristic tenderness only made him feel that much more alone.

The rest of the conversation fell on deaf ears as far as Dean was concerned.

Filled with empty promises and the bitterness of knowing something _wonderful_ was ending.

With Naomi and Chucks permission, Cas still stood over the Winchesters just as he was going to before the bomb had dropped. 

Not really in the mood to watch anything, the boys had decided to forgo their Star Wars Marathon and head straight to bed instead.

Cas was readying up his sleeping bag when Dean took hold of his wrist and shook his head then letting go again and slipping underneath deep blue sheets.

Nodding mutely he rolled the polyester material up and slipped it back beneath Deans bed.

Running a distressed hand through his hair, Castiel climbed onto Deans mattress as well. Not hesitating in burrowing into Deans open arms.

Dean doesn't say a word when pulling the blue eyed boy closer, allowing the first of his tears to fall into raven colored hair.

They didn't often sleep like this. When they were little they frequently did and naturally lying next to each other resulted in them waking up tangled together more times than not.

After they got a little older it was harder to explain when other friends came over and little by little they established this unspoken agreement to sleep apart whenever they stayed the night at each others house.

But then Cas's grandmother had died.

They were in fifth grade and Cas had to stay at the Winchesters while his parents went off to Portland to discuss things with some another lawyer. 

Dean tried to ignore Cas's silent sobs that night, but there was something inside him that wanted to protect the other boy.

He used the excuse that he has always been protective of the youngest Novak--even before they ever really knew each other- when he left his bed and practically carried Cas back onto it and held him tight to his chest while whispering things like 'I'm sorry' and 'Now you're both angels,Angel' until the boy had fallen asleep clinging onto Dean for dear life.

Several months later that same year Dean had slept over Cas's house after a particularly ugly argument with his dad and the waves of _angry, hurt, comfort me_ were so strong Castiel had wordlessly tugged at Deans sleeve until the boy laid down.

No comments about their position were made when he slung an arm around Deans middle and asked him to tell him what had happened.

Thereafter a new unspoken agreement was introduced. Whenever one of them deemed it necessary they would give themselves up to the comfort the other offered.

And if anyone needed comfort right now it was Dean and Cas.

"I want to stay with you." Castiel mumbled into Deans neck.

"I want you to stay with me."

Castiel pulled back slightly to meet Deans eyes.

"I know what your thinking."

"If that were true we could make some serious money off that at a carnival." Dean teased meekly.

"You think we won't stay best friends."

Dean sucks in a deep breath, not yet ready for _this_ conversation.

Dean didn't want to confirm his suspicions. Didn't want to put it out there for the universe to manipulate and make a reality.

Dean feels Cas' hand drag down to find his behind the raven haired boys back and bring it to rest between their chests. Castiel takes hold of his hand and links their fingers together giving it a tight squeeze.

"I need you to stop thinking that, okay?"

It's more of a statement than a request.

"You're gonna forget about us small fry's in Vegas." Dean says instead. The lump in his throat rising bitterly the longer he looks at Cas. But he can't tare his eyes away. Not when he knows this is one of his last chances to memories his best friend.

"I could never forget you, Dean. It's unthinkable. The concept of forgetting you doesn't even make sense to me."

"It's unthinkable to me too, Angel. But not seeing each other everyday? That's the basis of our whole friendship. I'm literally with you from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to sleep. Even during the school year! How are we supposed to do that from thousands of miles away? We were supposed to start high school in two years... There's no way your attention wont be pulled away from me in high school."

"What makes you think I'm so great and I'll have so many friends I won't have time for the best one in the world."

Dean recognizes Cas' tone for the odd brand of teasing only Cas ever uses. Where your teasing the person your speaking all while saying the truth.

Voice serious, Dean focuses his attention to every part of him touching every available part of Cas. "You're amazing."

"So are you."

"I don't want to lose you."

Cas sounds almost offended, "You could _never_ lose me."

"But-"

Castiel sits up then, "But nothing, Dean!"

Dean looks to Cas with wide eyes, slowly extending his hand out chasing back their contact.

Not standing for the separation when he feel like his bones will ignite without the pressure of Castiels skin.

Cas isn't the out-bursting type. That's Dean. Cas is more level headed. Subdued.

So, naturally a shouting Cas has Deans protective instinct kicking at the forefront of his mind. Searching for who to pummel into the ground but with the silence ringing through the room Dean knows logically it's him upsetting his angel.

"I need you to agree with me on this Dean."

Cas won't meet Deans gaze. Staring at the bedspread in front of him as he fights back against his sadness. 

For once not letting it consume him. Refusing to let himself get lost in his own despair. There was too much at stake.

 _Dean_ was at stake.

"I need you to agree with me," He repeats," I need you to say that we will remain just as close as we are now because...Because if you plan or are sure we will slowly stop talking to one another until we are nothing but a distant memory we visit when we're all old and wrinkled then I should just go right now.

I refuse to spend the rest of this summer thinking it will be one of the last times you call me Angel or make me watch Star Wars because whats the point then!?"

"Cas-"

"No! No, De!"

Castiel is up and across the room before Dean can blink.

He swears at the distance between them. Wanting to scream. Why does he keep moving away? He just wants them to near each other.

He felt the last of his resolve crack when Cas said he would leave _now_. What did he mean he would leave now? He still had two months with Cas. And he would be damned if they were taken from him as well.

Castiel continued, "I won't do it, Dean- I _can't._ You are my best friend. You are the first person who ever befriended me and I won't be the reason I lose that. It will never be a choice I make. Losing you will be a decision _you_ make. Not me. So I need you to tell me that you _will_ call and you _will_ include me in things like graduation and our first day of high school even if we are 'thousands of miles away'. I need you to tell me I _won't_ be left talking to voicemails until I get the hint."

"Cas, of course not!"

"Because if that's the case then let us end this right here, right now. I need you to tell we're gonna stay friends forever even if it sounds girly and absurd because I-I"

Castiel is on the brink of melt down.

Deans legs bring him to his best friend without much thought. Crushing the raven haired boy into a desperate hug. Rubbing circles onto his back.

"Forever, Cas." He promises.

"You're right. You're completely right, Angel." He whispers into his hair.

"You and me are stuck together till we're all old and wrinkled. We'll be remembering how we were sat beside each other, okay? So old and wrinkly we'll be comparing how saggy our balls got"

Castiel chokes out a tearful laugh, "You're so disgusting."

"Yeah... I am...But I got you to laugh."

They stay that way for some time before migrating back to Deans bed. Lying down just as they were before all of the unexpected excitement.

"...I mean it, Cas." Dean whispers into the dark.

And he does mean it. He hadn't before.Was so sure that they would lose interest in the friendship. But he just couldn't imagine a world he didn't want Cas in.

A world where they didn't know nearly everything about each other was one he never wanted to be apart of.

So if what Cas said was true; that it was up to them whether or not their friendship stood the test then they would _always_ last.

"You and me. We can work this out."

That night they held each other tighter than they ever had. 

**_XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX_ **

Cas' leaving was hard.

It took a lot of getting used to. The first day of eighth grade had been lonely, but Dean was never in short supply of charm. His personality gaining him a nice group of friends. Like Benny, they had always been chill but they got closer over the course of the year. Bounding over their shared distaste of Mr.Crowley.

He also met some new people that school year,like Charlie Bradbury who had moved to Kansas from Washington.

Initially, he thought the petite red head would be shy, considering she knew no one at the school. She was swift in her display of the contrary.

Castiel frequently looked forward to hearing about her during their calls.

Not quite as extroverted as Dean, Cas struggled a lot more in the finding friends department. It wasn't until after a months worth of lonely lunch periods and silent bus rides home did he meet Meg, Hannah and Balthazar.

However wary at first, he took well to the tight knit trio. Finding pleasure in going to school for the first time since moving to the Sin city.

True to their word Castiel and Dean spoke over the phone or video chatted nearly every day.

They spoke about school and their friends and just about everything else they did before the big move. They even kept their Friday night Marathons alive. Each of them sitting down with their movie snack of choice and setting the phone on their laps interjecting and making comments as they watched from their respective couches 

More than a few times, Cas woke up beside his fathers smartphone, Dean snoring softly on the other end after late night conversations.

It was hard, but they manged.

For Deans Thirteenth Birthday his parents flew the entire family the 1,553 miles to Carson City, Nevada (a discovery they made on a particularly sad weekend when they were missing each other something fierce).

He almost wanted to cry when he saw Cas with his ridiculous cardboard sign shouting out in Cas' careful handwriting;

**"Dean Winchester, Prepare Yourself For a chick Flick Moment"**

Dean ran down those escalator steps like a man possessed, ignoring the shouts from his mother as he sped across the station floor and launched himself at Castiel with a force that nearly knocked them both to the ground.

"How's that for a Chick Flick moment, Angel Eyes?"

"Never expected anything less."

Castiel was beaming. Feeling whole in a way he hadn't in the four months since he left Kansas.

"I missed you, Cas."

Still clinging to one another Cas sighs like it's the first time he's been able to catch his breath.

"Happy birthday, De."

Their moment was interrupted by a smiling Sam, "Okay, I know he's your best friend but don't I get a turn?"

Pulling away from Dean Cas smiles brightly at the youngest Winchester, "Sam you're so tall!"

"I know." The nine year old boasts, "Soon I'll be taller than Dean."

"You wish, Bitch."

"Jerk."

Sam reaches out to give Castiel a hug before being practically shoved away by Mary.

"Nu-uh. Nope! It's my turn!"

Naomi and Chuck laugh rambunctiously watching Mary Winchester push both her sons away in order to get to theirs.

Castiel reveled in the affection, wrapping his arms around the blonde's middle and holding on just as tightly.

"Did this crazy lady just push our son?"

John looks to his wife with amusement, "I _knew_ we came down here for you and not Dean."

Stepping back Mary gives Castiel one of her patented forehead kisses and sends a sharp look to her husband before going over to greet the other two Novaks.

"Who's to say its not for the both of us."

After finally giving Sam a one armed hug they all make their way to the Chucks Mini van. And for a short while it felt like it used to.

*** ** _  
_**

The next three days were the best either of the boys had since the previous summer.

Both Dean and Cas had been gifted their first phones as some dual birthday gift Mary and Chuck had cooked up.

(Castiel was pretty sure they just wanted their own phones back).

Of course, there were rules of use and promises of taking them away if they didn't abide by those rules. To be expected when giving teens their first phone.

One rule the boys couldn't have imagined they would have liked so much was an idea Mary had expressed at the dinner table that night.

"Now, I know having a phone is fun and all, but I expect you two to find alternative ways to communicate, you hear? At least once a month put some pen to paper and write a letter to one another. Slap some pictures in there or somethin'. I don't want our boys turning into zombies."

They never imagined it would become a tradition of sorts. One that they carried with them all throughout high school.

There was something intimate in writing letters.

Castiel was rather fond of it. The effort that went into finding time to tell someone something on paper, something they could hold in their hands and see if you were frantic as you wrote or lazy in your strokes. Somehow, it made Cas feel closer to Dean than even FaceTime could.

There was the added bonus of no one being able to see their messages.

The boys had quickly realized that while neither of their parents seemed all that interested in reading through their letters they didn't share the same conviction when it came to going through their texts.

Dean also enjoyed the letters.

Checking the mailbox at exactly two p.m the second week of every month, (that was before the boys decided to just write whenever they felt like it.)

Even though everyone in their family knew of the letters, it still felt like their own secret form of communication. Something only their eyes would ever see.

Dean told Cas about his first kiss with Anna Milton in one those letters. He told Cas about how awkward it had been and how it made him feel all gooey inside.

He told him that she had tuned cherry red and ran to her bus with a big grin and how he thought he would try it again. He wrote how much he missed him and wished he was there.

Cas had come out to Dean in one of his letters a year later.

Dean had told him he didn't care in another.

Waited by the phone for three days having put the letter on priority mail so it would get there sooner.

He waited for Cas to call him and pretended he didn't hear Cas's sniffles when he called him Angel, even though he now knew his best friend liked boys. 

After visiting the Novaks in Nevada for Deans 13th Birthday, both sets of parents decided to arrange group vacations twice a year for each of their sons' birthdays.

Every goodbye was harder than the last despite knowing they'd see each other again in six months, it just never compared to knowing they were only minutes away.

It wasn't always perfect though.

They sometimes got busy and just didn't have the time to call or write. Sometimes they would argue and shout things they didn't mean, hanging up mid conversation just to get the last word.

Even so, at the end of the day they always figured it out. Apologized and promised each other they were friends forever- (no matter how cringe Dean claimed that statement to be).

It was hard, but they managed.

**_XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX_ **

The first time Dean called Cas his brother was junior year of high school.

Castiel, at that point was painfully aware of the feelings he harbored for his best friend.

Just as close as they had always been, neither of them could contain their excitement when Naomi and Chuck asked Mary and John to take Cas in for a month- all Castiels' siblings since then having moved out there was no one to watch after their youngest son-while they took care of some estate bull-crap neither Dean or Cas gave a shit about because all they heard was 'Cas would be living with the Winchesters for an entire month!'

Mary already established Cas for temporary enrollment at Deans high school before the boy even got off the plane.

The brunette managed to enjoy the weekend before the teenage excitement was drowned out by Cas's crippling anxiety.

The closer they got to the next day the more the stress of Dean's friends possibly not liking him gnawed at the forefront of his mind and he wasn't doing the _best_ job of hiding his nerves.

Dean and Cas were sprawled out beside each other on Deans queen sized bed, shoulders pressed against each other while the pair ignored _Indiana Jones_ playing in the background.

Cas held Deans left hand in both of his own, playing with the other boys fingers absentmindedly while Dean spoke about how he and his dad finally finished working on ' _Baby'_ and couldn't wait to take him to school the next day in her.

"That way I get to show you both off."

Cas hums only sort of paying attention, "Hmm."

Dean shakes his head then sits up so that his back is against the headboard, “Come on, Cas”

"What?”

"My friends are gonna adore you.” 

Cas also sits up, pressing his shoulder against the bigger boy again and looks down at his hands before Dean slaps his left onto Cas' lap.

Wordlessly telling him to 'go on'.

Cas takes Deans fingers between his own again and silently thanks him, running his fingers across Dean's palm with odd, uneven patterns.

"My friends are going to _adore_ you." He repeats.

His words did nothing to put Castiels nerves at ease.

”I thought you were the adorable one”, He grumbled.

“Oh shit you’re right... Hmm, I guess they’re gonna hate you then.”

Cas huffs a halfhearted chuckle,"You’re such an assbutt”

"Seriously,bud. Relax. I’ve been telling these people about you forever. You've got nothing to be nervous about."

"W-what if you like, give me a practice quiz on everyone? Like a refresher run-down."

"Cas, you practically know all them already. I tell you abut them all the time."

"I know, but they don't know _me!"_

Dean scoffed at that, "I beg to fucking differ."

Cas blinks at him waiting for the explanation.

"Cas, a quarter of my vocabulary is your friggin' _name_...I'm constatly talking about you, Angel."

Dean smiles that ridiculous smile, the one that does something absolutely sinful to Cas' insides.

Looking at the other boy Castiel feels like he could lean in. Like he could throw caution to the wind and let the thing he wants most in the world become a reality.

But then Dean keeps talking.

"I mean, you _are_ my best friend, Cas. You talk about me with _your_ friends in Carson, right?"

Castiel gives Dean a well rehearsed smile of his own and lets his hands press just a little more forcefully into Deans palms to keep himself from crying, "Right...That doesn't change the fact that I'm nervous."

"Fine. What d'you wanna know?" Dean relents.

"Just quiz me so I don't make a fool of myself in front of them."

Dean states at him blankly for a minute and declares flatly, "You're being a nerd."

"Deeannn."

"Fine, fine. Uh, What do you remember about Benny?"

"Okay, I know a bit about him. He's on the football team with you and is dating that Andrea girl from the cheer-leading squad. He's interested in the culinary arts...um,and to quote you, looks the part of a linebacker but is nothing but a fluffy teddy bear."

Dean Barks out a laugh, "Yeah he is! God, please tell him that tomorrow. He'll turn red. Whenever I do it anymore he just punches me."

"De."

"Yeah, yeah. Other than the fact that he's dating Andrea, full marks. Avoid the Andrea topic. He's been suffering the last few weeks 'cause Dick Roman asked her to the formal and she said yes. Dorothy and Charlie have been hatching up some complicated plan I couldn't with good conscience know about."

"Ah. Plausible deniability, thy name is Dean Winchester. And see? This is helpful if I would have mentioned Andrea it could have gotten...awkward. As for Charlie and Dorothy. Dorthy's Charlies best friend right?"

"Yeah, shes the Dean to Charlies Cas."

_Damn that smile!_

"Oh so that's to say that Charlie is a sweet, kind-hearted soul befriended by an oaf who-"

Before can can complete his thought Dean has pulled at his waist and twisted himself until he has landed atop the smaller boy.

Cas shrieks between his laughter, "Dean!"

Cas wiggles beneath his best friend, trying to get the upper hand.

"Who you calling an oaf there, Novak?" Dean taunts a face splitting grin dancing across his lips and it does something to Cas he hates himself for wanting.

Dean eventually gets a hold of both of Cas' wrists and pins them both above his head with one big rough hand.

With the other he reaches for Cas' ribs and drags his fingers down making the blue eyed boy sequel and writhe.

"Mercy! Mercy, Dean! I give." Cas is breathless and delirious with the sensation of Dean on top of him. 

"Ha!" Dean is also breathless, looking down at Cas wordlessly. Which isn't weird for them, they've always had this way of just staring for much too long for Cas' resolve.

Lowering down to his forearms, Dean releases Cas hands from their prison, but Cas doesn't move them.

Searching within deep green eyes for as long as time will let him, Cas pretends like maybe Dean wants him too.

Dean doesn't seem to be complaining either, if you go by the content smile replacing his playful one. One arm resting beside Cas' head as the other absentmindedly brushes raven hair away from crystal blue eyes.

"Dean..."

Cas is still breathless even though he should have been caught his breath.

Something seems to shatter behind those eyes-those _beautiful_ eyes that Castiel has missed so terribly. Something shatters and Cas feels the dread seep into his chest.

"Ahem." Dean clears his throat, swinging a leg across Cas' body and returning to the position they were in before.

The air thins around them and Cas feels his heart seize. Shutting his eyes tightly he racks his brain, looking for ways to bring back their easiness.

But first he sits back and lets the pain drip into his veins so that the pain can flow through his entire body. It's only for a moment buts it's enough to remind him to keep his feelings in check.

"I know a lot about Charlie." Cas finally says, "I'm actually excited about meeting her the most. She's the redhead who is a computer genius and the icon who got you to go Live action role playing."

He holds his breath hoping his choice of words serves their purpose.

"What can I say; The woman's a master manipulator."

"Oh, yeah of course. She 'manipulated' you into throwing on a wig and a full face of war makeup to cosplay as the male Lexa from The 100."

"What did I say about the finger quoting, Cas?" Dean tries to jest, though it sounds strained.

"Does she also manipulate you into going LARPing every third Friday of the month too?"

"Alright next!" Dean slackens the tenseness slipping from his shoulders. But he doesn't put his hand back into Cas' lap.

"What about Kevin?"

"Umm, He's new to the group right?"

"Hmhm"

"He's a freshman, I remember that. And really shy. You mentioned he's really good in computer science."

The rest of that night was spent chatting and seeing how far Castiel's memory served him.

They don’t talk about the tension still pulsating beneath their skin displeased with denied satisfaction.

The following morning Cas was feeling pretty confident he wouldn't utterly embarrass himself. Especially when Dean lets the hand not steering fall into Cas' lap, a smile directed at the road his message to 'go ahead'.

***

Deans group of friends loved him almost immediately.

That group happened to consist of aforementioned Benny Lafitte and Charlie Bradbury with the addition of a gangly Garth Fitzgereal IV, Dorothy Baum and little Kevin Tran.

"God, you should have seen him, guys. He was _completely_ soaked."

Cas sighed wistfully, "I truly treasure that memory. " 

Dean turned to him baffled, "I almost died!"

"Ah, yes. That was my fondest memory."

"Stop quoting Tumblr at me, Cas or I swear to God!"

The group laughs at Deans empty threat and watch as the two bump against each others shoulders.

"How is it that we are _just now_ meeting you _,_ Cas?" Garth asked cheerfully.

"I guess Dean wanted to keep me all to himself."

"Is their a trade option available?"

"Fuck you, Benny!"

Cas laughed lightly, smiling at the burly teen. He really was just a big teddy bear.

Everyone had taken to Cas like a house fire- much to his surprise. Treating him like one of the pack irrespective of having just met him.

He figured Dean might have oversold him, but the teens seemed to be pleased enough with his company.

Charlie especially had taken quite the shinning to Cas and vice versa.

She even volunteered to help Dean show Cas around the school.(Which was...nice. but still unnecessary if you asked Dean.)

It wasn't long before she struck up a conversation that had the two staning over harry potter together and sharing theories. 

When Dean didn't understand enough of the references to join in, it made him regret not reading the saga like Cas had recommended. 

Before they knew it, the day was half way over and they were sat at a generic lunch table surrounded by Deans closest friends.

Charlie had been the one to introduce Cas to the group,(leaving Dean with his mouth open ready to do just that) gushing over the new teen, making him flush a deep scarlet.

If anyone noticed Dean grinding his teeth,well then no one mentioned it.

"It's so cool that you guys have stood friends since you were twelve." She added genuinely after recounting some story Dean wasn't really paying attention to.

"Well, I mean technically it was since we were six but yeah." Dean said maybe a little too pointedly.

Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Cas grabbed his wrist and drew green to blue. Asking silently if everything was okay.

With a quick turn of his head Castiel understood that was Deans way of shrugging his question off and he didn't pry further, letting go of the other boy.

"Yeah, but before I moved here I promised so many friends that we’d never lose touch but I mean, after a while it’s just inevitable." Charlie explained, 

"It's like long distance relationships, they aren’t just impossible for romantic reasons, platonic reasons too.”

“Yeah I get that. But it’s like family at this point. Cas is like my brother and family wouldn't be complete without him. Right, buddy?"

There was something not quite right in the way Castiel cleared his throat and chose that moment to shove his face with crappy cafeteria fries,

"Right, Dean."

The dullness in Cas' eyes was lost on Dean.

As was the sympathetic and understanding looks Deans friends had sent his way.

 _Right_ , Cas told himself, _He sees you as a brother._

For a second Castiels brain flashes to the previous night. Dean panting on top of him for a whole other reason and he tries to expel his desires before they consume him.

The lunch bell rings just then, scattering the group.

"Home work at mine tonight?" Dean asks as they get out of their seats.

"I can't. Mom wants me to go straight home after school."

"No sweat, Kev. What about y'all?"

"We can't either, Captain Asshat assigned a group project and Garth and I are gonna be slaving over google docs and construction paper for the next two days while Lisa Braden does abso-fucking-lutley nothing."

"Woof! Sorry guys."

"You _should_ be sorry," Garth grumbled, "Next time you decide to fuck somebodies brains out, can it wait until _after_ mid term assignment are due? Thanks."

"I'm down for study sesh!" Charlie chimes, shooting Dorothy a sympathetic look and blowing her a friendly kiss.

"Me too, brother."

"I sort of have no choice since I'm living with you right now so I guess 'I'm down' too."

"You think you're so funny."

Dean bumps Cas's shoulder with his own again, shaking his head.

"Awesome. Sounds like a plan. We'll meet by my car after school. See y'all later."

The group hummed their agreement quickly dispersing as they reached the hallways they needed to go down.

"Ugh, I gotta jet before Bobby yells at me for being late again. Charlie you've got statistics next, right?"

"Right a-roonie, Heda."

"Great. Charlie'll walk you to your next class, Angel. I'll see you later"

Smiling just as he always did when Dean called him Angel, Cas nodded and watched as Dean ran off in the opposite direction.

It wasn't until Cas was getting his books from his temporary locker did Charlie call him out.

"So you're in love with Dean, huh?"

Castiel stares at her, mouth agape for a full minute before snapping it shut and for a second he's sure he's going to cry.

Instead, he allows a small, sad smile grace his lips.

"That obvious?"

"Just a lot. Sorry about Garth's comment earlier, he's a little slow on the uptake. As you can see, we all just ignore him."

There's a beat of silence before, "You won't tell him, will you?"

"Nah." Charlie assures, "Your not-so-secret, secret is safe with me, Blue."

Releasing a breath of relief, Castiel shuts his locker and lets Charlie start up a new conversation on their way to Statistics.

He recognizes her chatter as the promise of solidarity it is. His responses an expression of his own.

It was nice having a friend who knew Dean personally and even nicer to have a friend who knew his feelings for him.

Needless to say Castiel and Charlie became fast friends.

***

"Absolutely not! There's _no_ way."

"There's literally no other way to look at it, Charlie!"

Dean and Benny could hear Charlie and Cas shouting from across the parking lot.

The red head was perched beside Baby on her own powder blue Prius. Castiel stood right in front of her with a huge grin dancing across his features and a carefree air surrounding him that made Deans heart do something funny in his chest.

_Why is he standing so close to her!?_

"Whoa, whoa, where's the fire?" Dean said trying to snuff down that feeling.

"What's up,guys?" Benny added.

"Cas here is utterly delusional is what's up!"

Cas huffs out an affectionate laugh, " _I'm_ delusional!?"

The two football players share a look before looking back at the pair.

"Care to clue us in?"

Benny was used to Charlie assuming everyone always knew what she was talking about (having seen many of these types of conversations), so he knew she didn't need much in the way of prodding to explain herself.

Waving an exasperated hand of dismissal Charlie makes a face of disapproval. Hopping down from her hood and getting into the Prius to turn it on and lower the windows.

"Only the truly intellectually advanced would understand."

Benny raises an eyebrow amused, taking his seat in the passengers seat of Charlies 'spank-mobile' and getting in as well.

Dean also moves to turn Baby on, Castiel following suit.

Cas taking pity turns his attention to Dean and Benny, quickly explaining through open windows.

"We're debating the mechanics of a hypothetically intimate and explicitly romantic relationship between two fictitious characters."

"HA! Way to sugarcoat that shit, Cassie! We're debating whether or not Draco Malfoy is a Top or a Bottom when fucking Harry Potter. 'Cause at the very least we agree they're fucking." She shouts so Dean can hear her.

"Holy fucking shit" Benny stage whispers, "There's _two_ of them."

*** ** _  
_**

Dean was gonna strangle Charlie.

"Cas and I actually finished all our work during free period."

"Oh...Well, I could always put this off till later-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Dean. I _know_ that Mr.Ketch assigned some crazy shit storm of a take home test 'cause Dorthy texted me about it earlier. You and Benny be responsible and Me and Cas here are gonna find some evidence to back up his _absurd_ claims." Charlie turns her attention to Cas throwing him a fake glare that he returns in kind.

"Well, " Dean scrambles, not understanding the tightness in his chest or the fire in his stomach.

"I don't own any Harry Potter movies."

"Um, don't you know me at all?"

Reaching into her heavily decorated backpack she pulls out a seven movie box set.

Cas barks out a stunned laugh, "Oh my God!" he cried.

"You're insane!"

"I know. Isn't it great?"

Dean clumsily searches for something to say but charlie has already turned away from him.

"I'm stealing your DVD player, Dean! See you later, Bitchez!"

Charlie shouts on her way out, arm slung across Cas shoulder as she leads him into the living room.

Dean frowns indignantly returning back to his work.

Why does she have to touch him? he knows where the living room is. He's been wondering around this house way longer than charlies' even been in Kansas.

Did Charlie like Cas? Is that why she's been practically handing off the boy since he got here?

A small part of Dean tried to remind himself it had been Cas' first day at his school so it's not like Charlie has monopolized his best friend 'since he got here', but still.

Everyone _knew_ Cas was his best friend! Charlie had her own best friend, for Christs sake; Dorothy.

Why couldn't she go watch boring Harry Potter with her and leave his angel alone.

And why did Cas keep giving her The Gummy Smile? That's the rarest of his smiles. Saved solely for 3 am shit talking and Deans obnoxious commentary. Not stupid ass parking lot debates.

Maybe he should tell Charlie Cas is Gay. Maybe then she'll back off a bit.

Dean immediately shakes his head at the thought. He's not sure if Cas is officially out yet. He made a point of never bringing up the boys sexuality unless Cas brought it up himself, a topic he didn't often partake in. So he had no way of knowing how open he was about his sexuality and he would never be one to betray his trust that way.

But...He can hear them laughing from where he sat and no matter how hard he tried he still felt...left out(?).

He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, all

he understood was he wanted to punch something. 

"Jealousy doesn't look good on you, chief."

Dean's heart halts as if caught and his head snaps up to meet Benny's nonchalant expression.

"I've got nothing to be jealous about,Ben."

"Mhmm, keep telling yourself that."

***

It wasn't until three and a half weeks later did Dean finally break.

Dean wasn’t having a great day. He didn’t set his alarm, skipped breakfast and failed a history test all before lunch. 

The fact that it had been three days since Cas left didn’t exactly help Deans already sour mood(it was more like the cause of it).

It was always an adjustment after Dean and Cas said goodbye. It wasn’t like they never got to see each other in person. They got a week together twice a year and if they were lucky a few days during the summers ( if their jobs gave them some time off). Yet, somehow this time was different...Harder.

Maybe because those shorter moments, while cherished were tainted by limited time.

But this time,...they woke up together and went to bed together. They spent the whole day together at school and completed their assignment sat beside one another until Mary ordered them to put everything away and stuff them full of home made meals.They watched movies and teased Sam about his crushes.

All things that were part of Deans original routine before Cas came to stay-stay the month...just a month.

Everything was the same. No true difference other than the fact that Cas’s smiles weren’t pixelated and digitally obscured and the fact that all Dean had to do was tap the back of his hand to the other boys shoulder and it became clear that he really was there-standing next him in all of his Cas glory.

But, again the days remained the same. The routine hadn’t been altered other than the presence of another body participating in it. 

Nevertheless, now Cas is gone and nothing was different except everything was fucking different!

Waking up felt useless. Walking was mundane, even driving was a hassle. A task with no means. Dean even found it daunting to breath.

His mother’s food didn’t quite taste as good even though it was exactly the same and yeah, it didn’t help matters that Cas was too busy getting re-situated to call or FaceTime but he’s managed to live this way for years now, what the hell was his problem that he couldn’t focus on... well, anything. 

Maybe he was in the wrong. Okay, he was _definitely_ in the wrong. But he hadn’t spoken to Cas since the night he landed at Nevada Airport. All but a offhanded text informing him of Cas’ preoccupied time served to comfort him.

He knew he missed him. The kind of missing someone that could land you in a hospital.

So yeah, it’s possible he overreacted but he shared Cas his entire visit with his friends and his family. And he hadn’t had the chance to truly hear his voice or read an articulately prepared text in over 72 hours so imagine how quick the thread had snapped when he realized the person Charlie was currently messaging as she leaned against the lockers besides Deans was Cas.

_His Cas._

“Our angel is way too grammatically correct while texting."

He can't really be held responsible for his actions after hearing _that_ , can he?

“Ou-our!? _Our?"_

Dean slams his locker shut then and turns fully to face a confused Charlie.

"Cas is _not your_ Angel, okay?", He continues ignoring the overwhelming look of understanding that washes over Charlies features. An unfazed expression possessing her.

"That nickname is on a possession basis and since I came up with it, I am the sole owner of the deed. And I always have and I always will be. And whatever happen to long distance friendships are just as unrealistic as romantic relationships? 'Impossible' even, you said. So what's changed now?"

Deans anger was simmering over his skin, shooting down to his fingertips and even though it was consuming-compelling and irrational the outrage was almost relieving. Like a weight was not only being lifted but... exposed.

Charlie doesn't say a word. She mostly just tries not to look smug.

She lets him rant and watches as his hands flail around in emphasis while he talks and when he finishes. When all that remains is Deans sharp breaths she softens her features, knowing _exactly_ what to say next, “Yeah, Dean but… but he’s _Cas_ “

Dean is seething.

"Yeah I _know_ he’s Cas! And he was mine first so just...I don’t mean mine like that- I’m just- he's...", Dean stumbles, scrubbing a rough hand over his face and sighing heavily.

Lowering his voice he tries to get a hold of his anger, "Dorothy's your best friend. Why is it you want to take mine?"

That's all it takes for Charlie to loose it herself.

Dean can't be sure what his expression is when Charlie laughs loudly and without a shred of remorse.

She looks at Dean like an idiot, straightening her back and slinging her backpack over her shoulder,

“Dorothy’s my _girlfriend,_ Dean.

What exactly is Cas to you again?” Her voice is flat when she walks away.

***

So...Dean is an asshole.

He feels even worse when he sees Charlie a few classes later, Dorothy's backpack slung over her own just as it was every day. He knew this. He knew the redhead had manipulated her schedule twice in the same year so that her and Dorothy would have as many classes together as possible. He also knew most of the classes they _didn't_ have together she still walked the other girl to, even if it was out of her way. They went to every social event together and touched maybe a little more than 'regular' friends did but somehow Dean never put two and two together.

Still there was a part of himself that defended his obliviousness. In his defense he's very sure he would likely do most, if not all of those things if he were lucky enough to go to school with Cas. That didn't make either of them more than best friends...

After Cas, he thought of Charlie and Benny as his secondary best friends(in the least condescending manner you could.) and how was it, one of his best friends was clearly openly gay and in a committed relationship with someone and he didn't even notice? Did he mention _openly._

He didn't get the chance to apologize to the fiery redhead until the end of the day.

Charlie was sat on the hood of her Car again very clearly waiting for Dean.

"Hey, Char." He said meekly.

Crossing her arms across her chest she stared the large boy down, "Hey, Jerk."

"I’m sorry Charles. It’s just...I- There no excuse. I was rude and unfair to you. I had no right to raise my voice or accuse you of anything. Will you please forgive me?"

Sighing, Charlie shakes her head disappointment,

"Damn... That was a much better apology than I thought I was getting."

"Huh?"

"I forgive you, dummy. But only on one condition-"

Before she could finish, Dean had pulled her from the hood of the 'Spank-Mobile' and into one of his (what Sam had donned) 'Brother hugs'. Hugs he didn't get a chance to give him much of now that Sam was so much taller than him, it wasn't as easy to pat a hand the back of his head.

"Alright, alright you big lug." Charlie smiles, patting Deans back in return.

"I'm not mad I just wanted you to stew in your guilt a little longer."

Dean pulls away, relief washing over him.

"Now, as for my condition. I know Dean Winchester sucks at feelings and all. But that was pretty explosive so as your designated therapist I demand you explain yourself otherwise I revoke my forgiveness."

They don't speak for a few lasting moments. Dean moving to sit beside Charlie on the hood of her car seemingly searching for the right words.

"I just...I _miss_ him. Like, too much-too much to bare. And he’s my best friend and he’s too good for me. Entirely too good for me and I’m never not reminded of that. I just maybe,... I thought you guys were getting along better than him and I do. A way I just...don’t get along with him in..? I-I don’t know. I really miss him,Charlie. It’s worse this time. And I don’t know why. But it’s like...every room I walk into is empty.

No matter many people are in it. No matter how loudly they’re talking and proclaiming their presence it’s just fucking empty- like, like I’m missing him... _from_ me. Like he’s a missing part of me when he’s not here and all these fucking empty rooms filled with people, feel even emptier when you want someone in it that just can’t be...Plus, I haven't spoken to him in three days and might have gotten a bit jealous when I realized you have."

"...That’s pretty intense, Dean"

"Yeah." He sighs, "I guess it is."

"Has it always been like this?"

"I feel like yes,but different the older we get. Worse."

"I don’t understand how you can say something like you just did and not see that this is more than friendship."

"It's not just friendship, Charlie. I _know_ that."

Dean doesn't miss the astounded surprise that crosses Charlies features.

"You do?"

"Yeah, Of course I do. Cas is like my brother, Charles. He's family. And it's just hard for me to be away from him because of that."

The redhead shakes her head and looks down to the ground, biting her tongue as to keep herself from screaming at one of her closest friends.

"So...Am I forgiven?"

Sliding off of her car she punches Dean on the arm, flashing him her goofiest smile. "Yes, Heda. All is forgiven."

The weeks past and Dean adjusts back into the old routine again. Appreciative of the time he and Cas share together even if its not as good. 

Charlie keeps in contact with Cas. Talks to him at least weekly and play video games just as often.

She loves Dean. (The type of way you _actually_ love a brother.)

He's one of her best friends and she's sure they're gonna stay that way for a long time. And its _because_ she loves him that she knows he is gonna break Castiel's heart. At some point-if he hasn't already-he will and in the process he will break his own.

That being said, when all goes to hell shes gonna be there to knock some sense into both their heads.

****_XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX_ ** **

Castiel got his first boyfriend his Senior year.

Like most things he found hard to say, Cas decided to tell Dean in a letter.

He hadn't been his most ceremonious in his announcement, but after several bunched up leafs of paper, he was in danger of responsible for 50% of the deaths of trees in the state of Nevada alone.

He had tried to settle on something casual.

He started off the letter innocently enough,

**Dear Dean,**

There. That was normal. He always wrote 'Dear Dean'. He could totally do this.

Still, his heart was beating a million miles a minute.

Cas looked to his bedroom floor, taking in the sea of discarded confessions. Taunting him with the words Dean will never see.

_Just call him. This is ridiculous! You are nearly 18 years old! You're telling you're best friend that you have a boyfriend not that you’ve buried a body._

But it wasn't that simple was it?

Yeah Dean knew he was gay, but actually dating another guy was something else entirely.

What if he changed his mind and wasn't so comfortable having a male gay best friend?

What if the reality of it all ruined their friendship?

Or worse, What if-and this thought emphasized just how selfish Castiel truly was- What if he _was_ okay with it? What if he just...didn't care...?

He pushed that sinking feeling away.

Dean didn't feel that way about him.

First off, Dean is Straight. Second, all he has ever and will ever see Castiel as is a ' _B_ _rother'._

God, who knew one word could make his skin crawl so thoroughly.

Ugh!

Cas pulled at loose strands of raven hair and looked to a few of his rejected drafts.

~~So, I got a boyfriend!~~

~~Balthazar and I are dating.~~

~~Guess who got a beau!~~

~~I pictured you our entire first day.~~

~~I would leave him for you~~

~~I understand you don't love me that way and while I wish he were you more often that is appropriate I need to get over you and he may be my only opportunity.~~

~~I wish he were you.~~

~~I wish he were you.~~

~~I love y.~~

Castiel shakes his head disgusted with himself.

He crumpled up each sheet and shoved them deep down into his trash bin, just as he's done for years with his unrequited feeling for Dean Winchester. 

***

Dean had a sneaking suspicion that relatively relaxed and uneventful days resulted in bad news where his best friend was concerned.

Logically, he knows that not true. Most uneventful days end the same way they started without a sound of acknowledgement.

Yet, here he was.

Stopping at the mailbox just as he did most days after school, he saw the crisp white envelope with a bumblebee stamp slapped proudly atop the right hand corner waiting for the green-eyed boy.

Grinning to himself Dean rushes inside, striding into the living room to give Mary a kiss in greeting.

"You look chipper, hon."

"What's there not to be chipper about, ma?"

Mary fixed him with one of her signature mom looks.

"Fine," Her eldest son laughed walking in the direction of his bedroom,

"Cas sent a letter, imma go read it."

"Tell him I said hello." Mary shouts after him knowing the drill.

"Will do!"

Dean shuts his door and swiped his phone from his backpack before setting it down somewhere near his closet.

He tossed himself onto his bed and sent Cas a quick text-as he always did-letting him know he just got a letter. 

The obligatory, _"Call me after"_ never came, but Dean was yearning for some entertainment(The Cas kind) that day so he succumbed to opening it up anyway.

**Dear Dean,**

**This week has been pretty eventful. Well, this whole month has been eventful. Michael and Luke came home last Tuesday-Together! Last mom, dad and I heard they were no longer on speaking terms, but turns out they reconciled and wanted to express their newfound brotherhood with our parents. Of course they were absolutely obnoxious about seeing me. I hadn't realized how long it had been and I'm surprised to say it's nice to have them home. Even nicer now that they're not trying to kill one another. Gabriel also came home. One text from dad that the trouble twins were back home and he was on the next plane over. He showed up holding a bag of popcorn, so you can only imagine his disappointment when there was no salt lines or exorcisms preformed during dinner. He talks a big game but you can just sort of see that he's more than happy they're around, he kind of looks relieved even... It's been so long with just the three of us it was weird to have all my older brothers under the same roof again. It's something I never really got enough of when I was little. I wish you were here to enjoy it with me, De. It's been fun. Y'know except of course when it isn't. They may have gotten a little too protective when ~~this. my. when.~~** **Balthazar came to pick me up...for our date.  
**

**Surprise?**

**Its been about a month now that Balthazar’s asked me out on a date. I though he had been joking at first but it became pretty clear after some insistence. He’s been a perfect gentleman and respects boundaries. We’ve known each other now for three years so it’s not like I don’t know him. I’ve told you about him before, I believe. He’s one of the first friends I made when I first moved down here. I’m pretty sure the twins and Gabe nearly scared him half to death but he was quick to charm his way into their good graces. He reminds me a lot of you in that way. But point is, I wanted to tell you. Because I tell you every big decision I make and keeping this from you has been not just hard but uncomfortable. Like grime on my skin I can’t scrub off. I want to tell you about it all( but I’ll respect your decision if you choose you’d rather I avoid the topic altogether). How he asked, what we were wearing and how he convinced me to say yes...**

**Ugh, I know that's a lame way of telling you Ive had a boyfriend for the last month, but I've been mulling over how to tell you about this for a while and I'm running out of segues here so will you please just call me after you read this like we always do?**

"Dean?"

He hadn’t realized he had dialed the phone until he heard Cas' voice on the other line.

"You sound surprised to hear from me." He offered, finally finding his voice

He did. A quiver in his voice that set aside the blankness from Deans mind.

"I... I wasn't sure you would call?" He admits apprehensively.

Silence.

"Dean?"

"Why wouldn't I call?" He beseeches fervently.

"I don't know..."

"You know I’m fine with you ... y'know being-gay and stuff. Don't you?"

He can hear the weak smile over the phone.

"Yes, De. I know."

"Well good... I will say I'm a little bothered you waited a month to tell me. We must have spoken close to a hundred times in the last thirty days and you somehow failed to mention you were dating someone."

"I'm sorry, Dean. I just didn't know if Balth was serious about me and-“

“So it’s serious?” Dean remarks a bit too quickly.

”I-well... Yeah. I think it is.”

”He your first kiss,Cas?”

”...Yeah.”

Dean didn’t know why he felt swindled.

Cas’ first kiss wasn’t his to take and besides he wasn’t interested in men so why did it bother him so much.

Again, he did what he apparently did best. Shoved down the unease and increasing need to empty the remnants of his stomach and forced as much acceptance and ‘happy for you’ into his voice as he could.

”Well it’s about damn,time! I was worried you were gonna die a virgin.”

He can just about taste the bile rising up his throat.

”So tell me how this happened. I didn’t even know you liked anyone.”

”Um, well. I didn’t think anyone liked me.”

”Doubtful.”

”Dean I'm not like you. My charm is more of an acquired taste rather than a clear declaration the second someone sees a face like yours and talks to a person as interesting as you.”

”What the hell are you talking about, Cas. You’re the most interesting person I know,” The eldest Winchester argues, “That shit head of a boyfriend of yours better be telling you that daily okay? Only the best for my best friend. Anyway, you wanted to tell me how he “convinced you”.”

”We had all been hanging out and he pulled me aside and took my hand and brushed my hair from my eyes and just said,” Cas laughs awkwardly, babbling “ Well, he said many things right but what wore me down was when he told me; “we’ve friends for so long. You and I just make sense.” 

Cas goes on that way, feeling alleviated at finally speaking to Dean about Balthazar.

Dean doesn't remember how he responded or made it through most of the discussion, only recalls trying to extinguish the anguished cry that crashed into his body like a freight train.

”...Thank you, Dean.”

“For what?”

"For calling me. For accepting me. For being you... Thank you.”

"Anytime,Angel- oh-err am I, uh not allowed to call you that anymore?” 

"Why wouldn't you be?”

Cas can practically hear him nervously scratching at the back of his neck.

"Just maybe you don’t want to anymore.”

Leaving no room for misunderstanding Cas grind into the phone,"I always have and I probably always will."

He'll never know how much comfort that simple sentence brought to Dean.

"I support you no matter what,Cas."

***

Balthazar didn't like Dean.

He never met him but he of course _knew_ of him. It was practically impossible not to considering every story outside of their group of friends included the eldest Winchester. 

Call him the jealous type. He was. And he made no secret of it when it came to his relationship with Castiel.

In return Cas made it no secret to Dean.

He complained about Balthazar's protests when it came to their friendship and Dean always listened. He always understood. 

Never pulled a face when Balthazar interrupted their FaceTime calls. He never commented on the decreased amounts of goodnight or good morning texts he knew Dean had become accustomed to. He always just tells him it's fine. That he doesn't mind. He simply checks in and asks in that devastatingly handsome voice if Cas is happy.

Cas' smile always falls when he hears himself say yes.

Cas doesn't stop talking to Dean though-not as often as either of them would like- but they do still talk. No matter the strain it puts on his and Balths' relationship.

Dean tells him it’s fine. That he knows he’s his number one guy. Cas smiles and wants to cry all at once.

"I'll talk to you later, Angel."

Cas gives him a gummy smile, knowing Dean makes a point to call him Angel whether or not Balth is in the room.

"Bye Dean."

***

Dean hopes that smug English bitch is in the room.

He.Fucking.Hates.Balthazar.

Despises the very air that he breathes.

Oh, and the son of a bitch knows it. He _knows_ exactly what he's doing and Dean revels in knowing he won't succeed. (Cas and his relationship can withstand his distaste)

He wants Cas to stop talking to Dean. He's jealous of him for whatever reason and Dean's not ashamed to admit he's okay with that.

That doesn't mean he's delusional enough to believe Cas could ever have feeling for him. 

That being said, if Balthazar was stupid enough to think that Cas would ever go for a nobody like Dean Winchester, who was he to deny himself the pleasure of seeing the narcissistic prick squirm.

Dean wanted to cry when he read that letter.

He thinks his body made him call Cas because the part of him that _needed_ to protect him more than it needed to breath could understand the underlying fear breathed into every space between every word written on that sheet of paper.

But once he hung up. Once Cas knew there was nothing in this world that could make Dean turn away from him. Once he was alone... Well, Deans not very keen on reliving that moment.

He didn't understand the pain or the anger or the unadulterated feeling of being too late.

Too late for...What?

It was confusing and painful and all Dean could handle. So he pushed it down, something that he has been pushing down for what felt like years, something he was _familiar_ with disregarding but still couldn't put a name to.

He got up off the ground, not stopping to wonder when he had fallen off his bed. He took a shower and at the dinner table that night he mentioned that Cas had a... _boyfriend_ in the most casual tone he could muster. Maybe saying it aloud would normalize it. (It didn't).

Point is, Dean was fine with Cas having his first boyfriend. He was supportive and while Cas wasn't inclined to go into detail, a fact Dean was more than happy about, he did listen when Cas did decide to discuss the smarmy brit.

Because he was his best friend. Dean didn't _have_ to like Castiels' boyfriend but he would damn well fake it as long as he made Cas happy.

It took a lot of self control to hide his disdain for Balthazar and a whole lot more distraction.

Which is just what he did. He distracted himself with school work as the months passed and Balthazar and Castiel drew closer to 6 months into their relationship.

He also spent a great deal of his time fantasizing about the California heat and sharing a dorm with Cas. He thought of Cali girls and sex.

And most of all he thought of the indestructible truth that in just four months Cas and his _boyfriend_ would break up and phones and letters would be secondary to an in person verbal conversation because he would have Cas with him in every sense he could think of.

In the dorms and in classes. During all nighters and college ragers. Sipping on earl grey tea and kicking him in his sleep when they would inevitably fall asleep on a hand-me-down couch.

It kept him sane knowing it was just a matter of time before they were happy in college.

No incomprehensible feelings that kept Dean up at night or overbearing boyfriends that weren't good enough for his best friend in the first place.

Of course, that was all before his monthly call with the Novaks.

The tradition had been unintentional like most things that became tradition.

Dean had misread a text from Cas a few years back that resulted in him calling the boys house-phone and began a conversation with Chuck and then Naomi that lasted about an hour. Hanging up after pleasant conversation reached its end, Dean hadn’t even realized until an hour later he had never spoken to Cas the initial purpose of the call.

Cas himself had a way of communication with The Winchesters- probably more frequently too, but the Novaks seemed just as pleased with their arrangement as he was, so he figured why fix what wasn't broken.

They hadn't been discussing anything with true consequence, just overall pleasantries and how-have-you-been's sprinkled in with funny stories and one sentence life advice from chuck.

Everything was just as it always was until Dean was launched into a full blown panic attack.

After forty minutes of chatter the Novaks revealed that Cas had been accepted to more than just the school they agreed on going to together.

No, not just agreed. This was already decided! This was happening!

Him and Cas were moving into Standford together just as they had planned for the last four years of high school.

He couldn't just...leave him...again!

He knew Naomi and Chuck had only intended to boast about their baby boy but the only thing they managed to do was plunge Dean into a state of utter hysteria that had him stuttering out a tense goodbye and dialing Cas' cell.

“Hello, Dean.”

”Are you leaving me again?”

”What?”

”Your parents told me you went college shopping and apparently they all want you and I get it, I do,Cas. But we agreed, we agreed! You and I agreed to go to school together and move in. Being together like we used to like we’ve talked about for _years,_ Ca _-_

"De. Dean! shhh, relax."

Castiel gently prods, trying to calm the larger man down.

"Dean, yes I did apply to other schools but just to appease my parents. We chose Standford when we were fourteen. We've taken two tours of the campus in four years. Of course that's the school I'm going to it was only to serve the 'rents well. I swear. _I swear._ The only schools I'm interested in are those you will be attending as well."

Castiel's voice was assuring and did perfectly in the way of calming Dean down.

"I'm sorry, Angel." Dean sighs, loving the taste of air returning to his lungs.

"I just had a really shitty week and then this...it all just hit at once."

"Ah, yes. Charlie mentioned you got ugh-err, caught in a compromising position."

"Bobby caught me having sex with Lisa Bredon in the janitors closet, yes." Deans frustration with himself made him miss the sharp intake of breath coming from the other end.

"She hadn't quite gone into detail, I guess...Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Dean sighs, sitting on his bed, "I'm just embarrassed and pissed I'm benched from the next two games. Which pissed my dad off which in turn pissed me off for having to listen to him lecture me-ugh.It would all just be better if my best friend wasn't states away."

"I've missed you, De" Castiel murmurs softly.

It does something to Dean he can't focus on and leads him to say,

“I wish you were here. I could really use one of your hugs.”

Cas smiles into the phone, warmth shading his cheeks a pretty pink color. “I know, De. I really miss you too."

Smiling Dean closes his eyes and pictures his best friend, "Did I make you blush, Cas?"

Deans voice is low in that sultry way he doesn't always realize when he's using.

Cas flushes further ducking his head even though hes over 1,500 miles away and Dean can't see him.

"Shut up." He groans, making Dean laugh on the other end.

"If I could snap my fingers and appear in your bedroom we'd be having this conversation in person, De.”

Deans heart swells to twice its size, the words leaping out of his mouth before he could stop them,“Then come.”

He prays he doesn't sound as desperate as he feels.

“W-what?”

“Come home. Please, Cas. I have money saved up. I can buy your ticket right now and you can be here by midnight.”

“Dean, It’s sweet that you want a hug so bad you're willing to buy me a plane ticket but...I can’t, honey. I’m sorry, but I have something I have to do with Balthazar tomorrow.”

That might not have been his best choice of words.

Something volatile erupts in Deans chest and it takes everything in him not to scream.

“Oh. Okay then.”

Cas is taken back by the sharpness of his tone. A deep contrast to the soft murmurs and teasing he was just getting from the other boy. “Dean, don’t be upset.”

“Nah. Don’t worry about it I see how it is.”

Cas feels like he did something wrong but he doesn't know what it is.

"How _what_ is?” There’s an edge to words plagued with unease.

"So you're gonna choose him? Over _me_?”

“No!" He shouts gravely, "I never said I was choosing him. But, Dean you live a two and half hour plane ride away and that’s not even taking into account for the trip to and from the airport it’s not like you're asking me to walk twenty minutes to your house!”

Dean almost wants to remind him that walking to his house used to be 10 minutes.

“I said I’d pay for you to!”

The louder Deans voice rings the louder Cas' does. Frustration beginning to mask the confusion.

“That’s not the point, Dean!”

“Whatever, Castiel. You just never have time for me anymore! Maybe I wouldn't have to go to such lengths if you just called me every once in a while. I mean, when was the last time I even got a letter? And you should know it's pathetic to be so wound up in him the way you are, Cas. _Pathetic!_ ”

Dean stands sharply as if standing will convey or maintain the force of which he wants Cas to come home-to _choose_ Dean. Yet, it seems even though his heart is crying out for Cas to come home to him and lay in their bed as they talk into the late hours of the night his mouth is saying everything that will ensure Cas stay away from him.

“Dean I don’t know what you mean about letters but you said you understood!”

“That I understood that your boyfriend was threatened by me!? Well then I guess I don’t understand after all.”

“Dean”

“No! You know what, Cas? It’s fine. You can stay with him. A matter of fact, you never have to worry about me causing your relationship trouble again!”

Cas’ breath hitches and It makes Dean want how to punch something, “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying it’s me or him. And since you’ve clearly chosen him, you don’t have to worry about me or anything to do with me again.”

“You're giving me an Ultimatum?”

There's silence.

“Fine.” Cas’ voice is smooth and strong. Decisive.

”Then I choose you! I chose you, Dean. I’m _always_ gonna choose you...remember?.”

“...Yeah? Then why aren’t you here?”  
  
Dean hangs up. 

***

Dean has never regretted something so quickly in his life. His phone lands on the bed with a soft plop. Deans fist on the other hand, collided painfully with the nearest wall. 

The teen shouts out in agony, but he knows the pain is more of a result of his argument with Cas than any self inflicted damage he might have caused himself.

”Fuck!”

Fuck. _Thump._

Fuck. _Thump._

_Fuck. Thump._

He went on like that for some time before Sam charged into the room and struggled to get his brother under control. 

It took a while for Dean to pull himself from that state of anger and hurt that blinded him.   
Cas’ hurt voice ringing in his ears, his own shouting at him turning his blood cold. 

Once Sam had calmed him down enough, they both slumped to the floor in a heap. Their parents none the wiser of the blood trickling down their eldest sons arm and the gaping hole in his wall not mention his heart.

Fuck!

Dean knows he’s fucked it all up. Knows Cas can’t be thrilled with how Dean spoke to him or disrespected his boyfriend. Knows that those dreams of a cozy apartment inhabiting his morning hating best friend, hair all disheveled and standing on end due to sleep was all but an aimless dream.

Which is the problem, isn’t it? What screws us up the most in life is that picture in our heads of how it’s supposed to be.

And when that never comes to pass? What then? 

He’s cradling his head in both hands feeling depressed and tired and like the vilest interpretation of darkness for making Cas feel bad for something that made him happy. 

He just wants to fall asleep and never wake up again.

“Fuck!”

He shouts a final time standing up and pacing the room.

He registers Sam for the first time, a new layer of guilt piling on top of the ever growing one at the back of his mind. Sam shouldn’t have to see his big brother have a break down.

”I’m headed to Charlie’s, wanna get some driving practice in?” Dean tosses Sam the keys to The Impala, knowing he’s not in the best state to drive. 

They don’t speak much on the way much. Or when they get there even. 

Sam texts Benny once they’ve been at Charlie’s for half an hour deciding they needed all the help they could get.

Dean is three beers in when he finally lets it flow out of him like an open drain.

He curses himself and plays with his phone staring at Cas’ name like a secret he has no right to know. 

”I’m gonna call him. It’s been an hour. He must have cooled off by now, right?”

Cas doesn’t answer. 

Dean tries again. And again. And about thirty times after that. 

Straight to voicemail.

Charlie takes pity on him and hands over her own but Cas doesn’t answer her call either. 

The fear thrums against his skin, beating across his mind. 

“I really fucked up guys. He sounded so...hurt...guilty.”

Slapping Dean on the shoulder Benny tries his hand at comforting his fellow teammate, ”He’ll come around,chief. I mean, it’s Castiel. He’s the most forgiving kind hearted person there is.”

Dean scrubs a hand over his face, willing away tears, “Yeah. And I hurt him. I practically called him a crappy friend. And told him to never call me again.” 

"He’ll come around, Dean.” Charlie adds gently. 

“My whole life Cas has been by your side, Dean. So what, you said some stupid shit tonight, he’ll get over it.”

Dean looks to his overgrown little brother and wishes he could put words to how he’s feeling. Wishes he understood why he felt like he lost someone and not in the death way, in... some other way he just didn’t know. All he did know was it wasn’t new.

He has felt this before. Sat alone on his bedroom floor surrounded by a sheet of paper with Cas’ anxiety riddled handwriting telling him he was seeing someone. But it was more intense now. Insufferable. 

They decided to leave another hour or two later. A promise from Charlie that she was gonna stop by the next day and another ‘Man-Pat’ from Benny sent the brothers on their way. 

They were pulling up into the Winchester’s drive way before Dean knew it. The rain barreling down onto the windshield aggressively, almost like a reflection of the tears Dean wishes he had the right to shed. 

He sent Sam in ahead of him wanting a minute alone.

He tried to call Cas again. Praying against all odds.

The answer never comes.

scrubbing at his face Dean slides out of Baby and drags himself inside.

It’s instant.

When he sees him a gust of ragged air stutters our from his lungs and he thinks he might fall right down to his knees.

Because standing there in the trench coat that Dean had bought him two Christmases ago, was a sopping wet Castiel. Dripping right onto Deans hallway carpet. 

“Cas” Dean breaths, “Wh-what are you doing here?”

Castiel holds an exhausted smile, the type that makes your bones ache.

Shrugging his shoulders he drinks in the bigger teen and says softly,

“...You needed a hug.”

Mary, who Dean hadn’t noticed was there until that moment leaves the room and the boys go upstairs to get Cas cleaned up.

The raven haired teen is standing in the middle of Deans room wearing his favorite ACDC shirt ( One he stole from Dean when they were 15) and borrowed pajama bottoms.

“Ahem, what’s with the stack of papers?” Dean asks to kill the suffocating silence that blanketed the room.

Their attention is drawn to the stack of envelopes Cas carried up with them.

Cas walks over the dresser he deposited them upon and hands them over to the other teen. 

“Well, after what you said on the phone- the part about the letters, I mean. I uh, couldn't stop thinking about it. Amongst other things and so when I got here I asked ur mom if she knew and she realized she forgot to give you some of these.”

Dean counts six letters all stamped two days after each other, Cas handwriting delicate and purposeful, meaning he set aside time to write these rather than rushed it. 

God, if he felt like shit _before,_ He couldn’t possible describe _now_

Castiel is quick to explain, “Since talking on the phone was getting difficult with Balthazars hovering and all I set aside more time for the letters so we would be caught up.”

He’s uttering his words like he’s unsure of himself and Dean hates it.

“Balth didn’t know we wrote to each other. He probably figured I was just doing School work. So, I took advantage I guess.”

“Cas, I’m sorry.”

Cas’ sigh Of relief is shuttering and he looks like he might collapse from the force of it.

“It’s okay, Dean."

Green eyes are glued onto the smaller teen Afraid he will disperse if he looks away for just a second especially since he can’t understand the blessing of Cas actually being _home._

“Cas, what are you doing here.”

He tilts his head and gives him a look that says, ‘ isn’t it obvious?’

“... You told me to choose, Dean. Your my best friend. I’m always gonna choose you.”

“Cas,”

“Think I can get that hug now?” He interrupts hastily, “I could use one too”

Dean doesn’t need to be told twice. 

He has Cas in his arms within seconds, pleasure in its most basic form encasing him as he holds on to who might very well be the most important person in his life.

“What happened?” Dean questions into thick soft hair. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it”.

And even though Dean doesn’t say anything he knows Cas and Balthazar broke up and he certainly doesn’t say how happy it makes him. 

Cas stays for a few days but has to go back eventually after hanging with the gang.

Dean and him talk and Dean admits he didn’t like Cas having a boyfriend that “I felt threatened by _him_ for some reason. Not That I have a thing for you,Cas. I don't. Your like my brother,” Cas flinches “I just felt like my place was being taken. Which is selfish, I know and makes it no sense, but-.”

“It’s fine, Dean”

“It’s not”, The blonde argues

Castiel shakes his head,“It _is_. I promise. If it bothers you so much I don’t need a boyfriend.”

“Cas that's ridiculous! I can’t ask that of you.”

“You didn’t.”

He pulls Dean into a quick hug-much too quick and begins towards the airport escalators. Dean takes hold of his hand before he can make it far.

"I’ll never ask you to choose anything again”

He can't read Cas' expression but feels... _loved_ , when he hears him say,

“I’ll always choose you anyway.”

****_XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX_ ** **

Dean _loves_ living with Cas.

It wasn't long after high school came to its grand conclusion the boys-now men, they guess- found themselves moving into some cramped and dingy dorm room.

The kitchen was just a refrigerator and their bathroom hardly fit the one of them on their own, (Dean might have bumped his head a time or two), the paint was chipped and they could hear their neighbors _breath_ through the walls, but even so, they loved it.

***

Their freshman year progressed with minor hiccups along the way.

Long nights spent sprawled across one another after marathon study sessions and t.v dinners seemed to be the bulk of what they remembered from the year at all.

It flew past their eyes at a unfair speed. Then suddenly they were sophomores living in an apartment off campus, preparing actual meals after class and preforming the ever formidable balancing act of holding down a job and being a full time student.

Life was challenging but they were together and Dean _loved_ living with Cas.

Cas still hated mornings and needed a lot of help getting up before class, something Dean never imagined he'd enjoy assisting with.

Every morning Dean was up and at'em. Brewing a steaming cup of black coffee just as Cas liked and leaving it by the raven haired man's bed.

He enticed Cas out of bed with breakfast and while he did nothing but grumble and curse Dean out- which never failed to make the other man grin mischievously- he always returned the favor by having dinner ready before Dean returned home from work or having Netflix Queued up for whatever show Dean was obsessing over that week.

If not the homey domesticity of it all, Deans favorite part about living with Cas was the changes.

The little alterations you had to really pay attention to catch in the first place.

Like how Cas' affinity for earl grey tea had been overshadowed by his newfound fondness for hibiscus. A scent Dean was becoming slightly addicted to. The sweet scent clinging to Cas' skin hours into Friday movie night.

He also loved how Cas' boyish looks were slowly developing into that of a man. The soft leanness of his body not changing much but the deepness of his voice seemed to have no end and the rugged smattering of stubble Cas just couldn't get a handle on, gave Dean an intimate angle he wasn't sure he was holding over.

But the point remained.

Dean _loves_ living with Cas.

***

Cas _loves_ living with Dean. Too much, even.

Living with Dean was like the most inviting torment life could have ever crafted for him.

The man of his dreams woke him up every morning with lazy pet names and promises of comfort. Easy smiles and melodious laughter that never failed to send butterfly's swarming in his stomach. Dean brushed his hair from his eyes and made him breakfast nearly everyday, moaning in delight when Cas returned the favor with dinner.

It was messing with Cas' head. It didn't help that every new friend they made was convinced they were dating. The constant need for correction another constant in the way of chipping away at Castiels resolve.

The thing was, it was getting to such a dangerous point, sometimes when Cas found himself lost in pools of emerald green, he lets himself believe that Dean loves him too.

It was like a dream he was anxious to wake up from, before reality could wreck it.

And reality always did.

***

The first time Dean brought a girl home it was two am and he had been too distracted to notice Cas' stunned (heart broken) face to pull away from delicate lips.

Cas watched as the man he loved stumbled over dark surfaces and laughed into the mouth of some woman with short black hair and three quarters of her dress undone.

He thought his heart was going to burst right out of his chest.

Biting his lip so hard he drew blood he waited for the _click_ of Dean shutting his door before switching off _The Witcher_ and slipping into some shoes on his way out of the apartment. 

He didn't have anywhere to go but he couldn't stay. He refused to.

A part of him was telling him to get over it or get used to it because if anyone knew just how attractive and alluring Dean Winchester is, it was Castiel Novak.

Of course he was getting offers and who did he think he was that Dean would give up his carnal physical needs just because Cas never had anything better to do but wait for Dean to come home.

He tried to be brave. He tried to walk back in and go to bed but every muscle in his body protested the very notion.

Instead, He reached into his pajama pants and dialed Charlies phone number, clutching his chest and praying she was awake.

"Cas?" Her voice was groggy and strained from sleep, but it was all it took for Cas to break.

The tears were falling from his eyes and onto his sleep-shirt(that just so happened to be Deans) as he pushed himself against the hall wall, staring at his apartment door like it had just tried to burn him alive.

"Ch-arlie," He choked out behind muffled sobs.

"I'm on my way."

The hour it should have taken her to get to Standford from UC Berkeley was not lost to Cas' devastated mind.

Charlie had made it there in record time-36 minutes if their call logs were to be trusted. The redhead had rushed up the apartments staircase and paused when she saw Cas with his knees drawn up to his chest looking to his front door like the most wrecked man alive.

"Oh,Cas."

He shook his head worriedly between stuttering breaths, "No, yo-u got he-re to-o fast. You could ha-ve gotten hu-rt."

It was very Cas to be worried about the well being of someone else when even a blind man could see the pieces he had fallen to.

"C'mon." Crossing the space between them Charlie helped her friend to his feet and they mutely made their way outside to her Prius.

They don't speak.

They just sit in her car, driving around while Cas tries to stop the tears.

"I'm sorry," He eventually says (finally having caught his breath), hand still pressed flat against his chest.

Charlie thinks he's trying to keep his heart from tumbling out.

"What did he do?"

Cas looks at her like he wants to ask how she knows its about Dean, so she does her best explain herself without making him spiral further. 

"There's not much of anything that you wouldn't go to Dean about if it was hurting you...unless it's _him_ who hurt you."

Cas slams his eyelids shut and tries to will all the love he has away, if only to make it though the night.

Tries with all his might but he can't. No matter how hard he tries he feels the shards of his broken heart strain as if they will shatter further at the thought of _not_ loving Dean Winchester.

Slowly coaxing his eyes open he meets Charlies concerned expression and forces a wet chuckle.

"It's stupid."

"I'm willing to bet it's not."

"...He brought someone home," Cas declares bitterly.

"He was making out with her against our front door and didn't even realize I was sitting on the couch waiting for him to get home so we could finally watch that stupid show he's been obsessing over. He had his tongue down someones throat _in front of me_ , Charlie... and I have no right to be upset about it because...Because I'm his best friend. His _brother._ " Castiel jeers like a cruel joke he's set against himself.

"Cas."

"No."

"Cas, this isn't fair to you."

"I'll live."

 _Not happily,_ he thinks, _but I'll live._

They keep driving around in silence until the sun comes up.

Somewhere around eight A.M, Charlie receives a hysterical call from Dean himself, frantic as he asks if she's heard from Castiel.

With a wordless plea from Cas, she tells Dean she had a moment of bored spontaneity and drove down to Standford and kept busy with Castiel since the late afternoon the day before. They hadn't thought to invite him because they weren't sure if he had come back home the night before.

She never breaks eye contact with Cas, nodding her head when he mouths 'Thank you' to her while Dean expresses his relief...

It's not the last time Dean brings a girl home, but it is the last Cas lets anyone see how it affects him.

Next time, he locks himself up in his room, listens to music-much too loudly- and cries himself to exhaustion.

Same goes for the next time.

And the time after that.

And the time after that...

***

Dean must have fucked dozens of short haired brunets with eyes just not the _right_ blue before he realized the fantasy he was chasing after lived in the bedroom beside his.

***

The first time Dean says Cas' name during sex with a woman they both pretend it didn't happen.

The next time isn't quite as easy to ignore.

Especially when he realizes no amount of Castiel lookalikes will flush out the desire the original sets aflame.

It wasn't just one thing that made Dean realize his feelings for Castiel (or uncomfortable interrupted sex where Dean can't get it up to anything other than images of his best friend).

It was a host of fragmented moments pinned and stuck together to present the life they had built together. 

The panic of being attracted to another guy didn't even register. It was like a tag attached to the fact that he was in love with Cas; inconsequential when regarding the entire picture.

He tried to ignore it at first, but the harder he tried the more he realized just how enamored he truly was.

He loves Cas.

He loves him and there's a part of him-he's not sure he entirely trusts- that thinks maybe, _possibly_ , he can bring Cas to love him too.

***

The first time Dean consciously thinks he’s gonna kiss Cas is on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

They were talking about their work drama and laughing comfortably sat beside each other on their hand-me-down couch. Cas had his head resting on Deans lap with his legs kicked up. Deans' one arm was slung over the back end of the couch while the other stroked and tangled its fingers about Cas' hair.

Dean had finished recalling a particularly clueless costumer and they had dropped into one of their usual intense staring contests.

“Whatha doin' " Dean mumbled softly to his childhood best friend.

“I was trying to see if it were possible to count your freckles in one sitting.”

Dean blinks not sure if he heard Cas correctly, “Excuse me?”

"They're very distracting." He confesses idly, sitting up to be maybe a little too close to deem appropriate.

Lifting a delicate finger, Cas trails Deans sharp cheek bone and across his nose.

Dean spluttered, but was ignored as Cas went on, "A few yeas ago I figured maybe if I knew how many there were then maybe I wouldn’t be quite as transfixed anymore."

“Wait, you've been trying this for _years?_

“Yes. It's very difficult?”

Dean barks out a bubbly laugh to overpower the somersaults swirling about in his stomach then pulls the standing Cas back beside him.

"Want more pie?"

Cas is moving to stand when, "Wait," Dean breathes, voice hoarse,

"Keep doin' that. I like it."

"K-keep stroking your face?"

"Yeah. Maybe I want to see how many shades of blue you've been keepin' in your eyes. Why should you get all the fun."

"Um, okay..." Cas is hesitant.

They continue like this for some time, Cas trailing patterns down Deans cheek only a breaths away from eachother.

"Dean,"

"Hm"

"I need you to talk to me."

 _Or I’m going to do_ _something stupid, like kiss you._

Dean snakes an arm around Cas' waist and holds on, causing Cas to stumble a little closer.

"How'd you know you were gay?"

well that’s quite the conversation starter and why was Dean using his ‘sexy’ voice...

Something like recognition flashes through Cas' eyes and Dean thinks he looks sad before he schools his expression.

"I wanted to kiss a boy."

Cas tries to put some distance between them again but Dean is just _so_ close.

He tries not to, but can't help when his tormented blue eyes slowly lower down to Deans sinfully inviting lips.

Cas feels himself leaning forward and when did Deans thumb start rubbing circles onto his cheek?

He's not sure when exactly he rushed forward and captured Deans lips in the worlds most earthshaking kiss, but he must have because now Dean was sat between his legs as Cas straddled him pushing and pulling like a man unhinged.

_Holy shit! I’m kissing Dean. Dean is kissing me back. Fuck, he’s good at this._

Deans lips lick at the seam of Cas' bottom lip and growls deep in his chest, " _Cas_." His voice is sharp and demanding but the brunette is too far gone to let that tone do anything but turn him on more.

At some point Cas becomes so breathless he pants against Deans wanton lips as they kiss and Dean takes that as his opportunity to attack.

He's doesn’t know what he expected when imagining having Cas this way, but the electric current coursing through his body interacting with each shift of Cas hips leaves him _feral_.

He always envisioned himself gentle. Every touch intentional and sweet- something he still wanted to experience with the man currently drunk off of Deans kisses( He wanted to dedicate _hours_ to praising every inch of skin he could reach on Cas' body). However, a feeling of pride swells in Deans chest more than the sounds of any woman in the fits of passion has ever done. He never considered the pent up heavily charged _need_ would manifest into _this._

Dean is trailing kisses down Cas' neck, latching onto a certain spot behind his ear that makes the smaller man make noises that shouldn't be legal in the United States.

Dean nips at that spot before soothing it over with his tongue.

"Dean!" Cas gasps.

"Shh. I've got you, Angel."

Then he twisted his body and leaned back down, using his weight to push Cas softly into the cushions, and kissed him again, longer this time. He caught Cas’ lower lip between his own and sucked it gently, feeling like the luckiest man in the world.

Dean keeps it soft and sensual, leaning in even closer so that his fingers can move around him to stroke lovingly down his spine.

He can feel Cas’ erection grow the lower his lips drags and he groans into flushed skin surrendering to this new sensation. 

Dean pulls away, wanting to see Cas’ eyes, if only to prove to himself he truly had his angel in his arms. 

”Cas,” Dean urges. 

Cas whimpered neglected, arching up for more kisses. 

”Open your eyes, Cas.”

He doesn’t require further instruction, Cas looks up at him through hooded eyes, pupils blown and lips red from abuse and slicked up from Deans saliva.

He’s a work of art.

Dean promptly surges forward and licks his way back into Cas mouth, the smaller man moaning filthily in his own.

Laughing a deliriously happy kind of sound he draws one of his hands from Cas hips and runs a thumb down one perfect bottom lip.

“You’re gorgeous, Cas.”

Cas somehow runs even more red, an unbelieving smile tugging the edges of his mouth towards the sky.

“God, If I knew it’d be this good id’ve kissed a guy ages ago.”

It was like a record had scratched. That’s how instantaneous it was.

Cas smile had fallen from an skyscraper and landed at Deans feet without a sign of life. 

The warm fuzzy _amazing_ feeling Dean had been swimming in was suddenly gone and his surroundings were dry because now Cas was pulling away and trying to put as much space between them as possible.

"I, uh. I..."

"Wait, baby. I didn't mean it in whatever way you’re thinking."

"I have to go"

***

Deans attempt at asking Cas out crashed and burned before he even completed his sentence.

It had been awkward since their not-so-little kiss the week before, but Dean couldn't get it out of his head. Couldn't set aside the need that had surfaced and was hungry for Cas' mouth and his body and the noises that he couldn't stop hearing in his head. 

He thought about letting go. Of just taking Cas' retreat as a clear sign of rejection and not to push the matter further.

But then came the thought of never getting to kiss him again. Of having to pretend that he wouldn't sell his soul to the king of hell himself for a single chance to tell the only person he's ever loved how absolute lost on him he is.

Cas may not love him now, but he can convince him to. You don't just kiss that way and not have at least the potential to love someone, so Dean was shooting his shot.

If he was gonna do this, he was gonna do this right, goddamn it!

Cas deserves fine dining. He deserves wine and candles and a man who tries to court him instead of dry humping on the couch. 

So that’s exactly what he’s gonna do. 

Dean knows he’s gonna have to work his sweet ass off to deserve Cas, a task he will gladly dedicate the rest of his life to accomplishing.

It may have taken him a while to realize his feeling for the other man but he wasn’t dense enough to believe they were new. Nothing quite this profound was established so rapidly. He was very sure he had started falling in love with Cas long ago, probably from the moment he laid eyes on him when they were children.

Perhaps it was due to ignorance or fear that lead him to rewrite every loving sentiment he had for Cas off as friendly or ‘brother’ly. A blatant lie, that even when he was in the deepest pools of denial, would ring in his ears and make him nauseous.

Finally, after years of dismissal and altered interpretations of his own feelings he was all in.

He went to the market after leaving work early and picked up all of Cas' favorites, aiming for a romantic dinner worthy of Castiel Novak.

All he can hope for is he isn't too late, that even if Cas only feels a fraction of what Dean feels for him, he hasn't ruined it all for carelessly treating Cas like one of his flings.

The memory of Cas lying beneath him, chest heaving and lips glistening with the proof of what they were doing was overwhelming and otherworldly, who can blame him for forgetting how to think?

He stumbles slightly, nearly dropping the plates he was carrying to the ground. The image of Cas disheveled and needy doing things to his down stairs brain he couldn't afford to think.

He places the plates down on the kitchen table, lighting the candles he set at the center. Doing his best to banish fantasies of having Cas laid out on his back, breathing heavily and saying Deans name in that deep deliciou- Nope! No, that's it on that train of thought.

“Dean?” Cas calls out from the front door. Likely confused by being beaten home for the first time in two years.

“You’re home earl- Oh...Wow.”

Cas nearly cried at the sight before him.

Standing in his nicest jeans and a new Henley was the man Cas has been in love with since he was a child. They're tiny dinning area was surrounded by a candle lit dinner and soft music playing from the kitchen. 

”Dean...” He trails off unsure how he intended to end that sentence.

First Dean gives him the greats kiss of his entire life and turns his brain into absolute mush, then he follows that action by practically confessing to him that he was using Cas as an outlet for his unsatisfied gay curiosities and he just couldn’t do this anymore! he only had so much strength.

”I made your favorite.” Dean declares proudly, but the nervous edge gives him away. 

Cas looks pained, "Dean, what are you doing?”

”I’m uh, trying to woo you.” He admits, voice dripping with insecurity.

Cas wishes he didn’t look so damn cute unsure of himself, such a contradiction to Deans normally suave persona.

Even so, Cas squares his shoulders, preparing himself for a very uncomfortable conversation and not willing to entertain this farce any longer, “I won't be your sexual awakening, Dean Winchester.” 

"What?”

He looks so confused, Cas nearly gives in.

 _No!_ You _have to stay strong! If you give yourself over to Dean this way and he never plans to reciprocate your feeling it will not only devastate you but, will ruin your friendship when it goes up in flames._

“Cas, what are you talking about?” Dean implores hesitantly. 

”Look, Dean. I realize you’re aware I’m attracted to you and while I’m flattered you’d like to use me as an outlet to explore your untapped sexuality I just-

”Cas, I have no idea what your talking about!”

”De,” The raven haired boy sighs, "I haven't even been with anyone since _high school_ you don't want me as a partner for _that._ "

”Do you- Do you think I’m trying to use you for _sex_!?”

Cas tilts his head in that unfairly adorable way, "Well aren’t you?”

”No! Of course not! Why would you ever think I could take advantage of you that way?”

"Why else would you ask me how I knew I was gay ten years _after_ I told you I was, then kiss me just to then say you should have tried kissing a guy ‘ages ago’"

"Okay I’ll admit that was a poor choice of words in an even worse order of events but what about right now? I have Bob Dylan playing for Christ’s sake!"

"I like Bob Dylan." Cas says shyly.

"Yeah, I know! Hence, the _'To make you feel my love'_ running on repeat. How does this scenario say anything other than 'I’m desperately in love with you, please date me'?!”

“You... You love me?” Cas' heart might have leaped right into his throat but an elated smile curls around his lips like a caress that sucks the air right from Deans lungs “As in more-“ 

“So much more, Cas." He vows, crossing the space between them in two strides, "More than you can ever know. I love you _so much._ ”

Grinning impossibly wide, Cas bites his lip and takes a step forward, “I love you too. _So much.”_ He Parrots. 

He then places his hands on either side of Deans face pressing a gentle kiss to quivering lips. 

Dean grunts disappointed as Cas pulls away, deeming it far too chaste for a kiss seventeen years in the making.

Surging forward Dean snakes his arms around Cas’ waist and breaths against his lips, “ I love you.” He says because he wants to and he can.

By the way Cas’s breath catches and his mouth parts, Dean knows the words had their intended affect.

Licking his way into his mouth, Dean was overwhelmed with need, and trust, and love.

They part softly, Deans' the first to fill the silence “Does this mean you’ll have me?” 

“I chose you when we were six,Dean. I've always chosen you and I always will.”

”Right back atcha, Angel.”

”Oh, but I do have one condition.” He announces eyes trained on Deans lips.

Dean raises an interested eyebrow, tilting Cas’ head up by his chin.

”My eyes are up here, Cas.” He mocks shooting the smaller man a wink.

”And for the record I would give _anything_ to be with you.”

”Good, as long as you never say I’m a brother to you again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey lovlies, I hope you enjoyed my first ever Destiel one-shot. I'm actually in the market for a beta reader if anyone is interested. Please let me know and comments are always super appreciated!  
> Hope everyone is remaining safe! <3
> 
> Oh, also I was thinking of cooking up an epilogue for this, let me know if that is something you might be interested in.


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